I know, you’re probably wondering…what in the world? A celebrity? What could any celebrity teach me about love? Celebrities are the most dysfunctional relationships ever seen. True–in most cases, however, there are some things that celebrities can teach us about love and relationships, so let’s take a look.
Many people have professed that God told them that somebody was “the one” for them. Many have been heartbroken and other inspired by these words. The issue is not if God told you the truth–because if He actually said it, it is the truth, or if God reveals such a thing…those arguments are moot, as God is all-powerful and can tell anyone, anything, at any time. The question is, did God tell you…you did you tell you, and then ask God to agree? It’s easy to make assumptions about what God wants for you–especially in relationships. But when you start putting “God told me” in front of your statements…you need to VERY sure that you are NOT prophe-lying (the opposite of prophesying) on God.
So…How do you know the difference? Let’s see…starting with when God speaks.
When God speaks…he doesn’t sound like James Earl Jones, in fact, He may not have a real voice at all, and He rarely (if ever) speaks in stereo. He still uses a still, small voice (I Kings 19:12), versus a “burning bush.” There’s a stillness and an understated presence that He creates for revelation. Note: If you can mimic the voice that you just heard, it’s probably not God, it was probably you.
When God speaks…there will be confirmation of what He said. This means that through people, events, and the Word, God will confirm what He has said to you…any question that you had/have about what you heard will be clarified. Confusion is not of God…He doesn’t want us to be confused, He wants us to be clear. If you lack clarity, then it’s time to pray.
When God speaks…(sometimes…usually) temptation comes. For example, if God has truly revealed something to you, temptation may come in the form of a faster way to get what you’ve been promised. The temptation usually comes in the process, not the promise. As this relates to “the one,” you may be tempted to have this relationship with “your type” versus waiting for what God is crafting for you. So, know that if that form of temptation comes–do this quick deal, borrow this, lie about this, be with (another) her or him–then you’ve got a promise that is steadfast and true.
When God speaks…there will be peace. If you cannot accept what is “said,” and you become nervous, anxious, restless, or are pushed farther from God versus pulled closer–check the source. Again, God doesn’t deal in confusion. As a wise man once told me, “confusion is not God…period.”
Now, on to the part about God telling you he or she is “the one” for you. Forget what anyone has told you…this does still happen. It does not happen to everyone, however. The challenge is knowing that God is speaking to you (and we just addressed that). The additionally, challenge is holding on to the promise, especially when everything in front of you seems as if the promise is never going to happen, remember this is a process.
Here’s a few tips about what NOT to do when you are holding on to a CONFIRMED, Divine promise:
Don’t tell everyone. While you may be excited, some people are dream killers (haters, if you will), and they will say or do whatever they can to make you doubt what you have been told.
Take your questions to God. If you get doubtful (and you will), take your doubts to God. Taking them to people, only gives them the opportunity to give you natural (human) wisdom, and that isn’t what you need. God uses unusual situations to bring His will into manifestation. Let Him guide you.
Lastly, don’t do this all alone. Find (pray for) someone who will support you in this journey. I currently have a couple of clients that I am doing this for. Once you’ve confirmed that God said it–regardless of what it is–having a spiritual coach/mentor will help you stay focused and faithful to what you are waiting for. To win the prize, every runner needs a coach…get it?
If He said it (really said it)…he will do it. He did it for Sarah Nelson (Read her story.)
In conclusion, God still speaks, don’t ever doubt that. Your challenges are 1) confirm the voice of God then 2) once confirmed, to wait for the promises. His promises are yes and Amen…He doesn’t lie. The question is…can you handle, err…wait on His truth?
Don’t worry, I’ll wait (with you)…
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Reason One: Love is not synonymous with respect.
If the person that you love doesn’t respect you, then that is a problem. When your memories of this special person in your life are littered with thoughts of their cheating activities, their lies, and even their bad habits, and the negative effect that they have on you, this is not about whether you love them, this is now a question of whether you love yourself.
Do you?
Reason Two: You may love them, but like them? Eh.
CONFESSION: I spent a long time with a person that I loved, but didn’t like. While some people will say that love is more important, like is the glue that holds things together. When I like you, it means that on a basic human level, I think you’re a nice person, a great guy or girl, and that you’re friend material. Being friend material, and having a friendship within a romantic relationship is optimal.
Reason Three: They do not love you the way you should be loved.
This is usually the problem that most people encounter when they love someone, but the relationship is not quite right. Just because someone claims to “love you,” that doesn’t mean that they know exactly what that means, or what it means to you. There are entire programs, like the 5 Love Languages, that try to show people what love language they actually speak. Some, like me, prioritize quality time, while others gifts or words of affirmation. If the relationship works, but something is a little off–this may be a place to start. However, if the relationship doesn’t work (this means that you spend more time crying than smiling), then there is a bigger problem. It’s time to sit down, perhaps use my SWOT Analysis Tool, which is in The Business of Dating to figure out what is going on. (Click here to get the tool.) When someone doesn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved–with respect, friendship, honesty, giving (of their time, energy and emotions) and commitment–that is not something that should be ignored, nor is it something that will go away. It is a serious situation that requires a response.
In conclusion, it just must be said that love is not enough for a relationship to survive and thrive. Sometimes we have to admit that and move on. However, whatever you decide, do what’s best for you, and be encouraged by the lessons this situation has taught you. There’s ALWAYS a lesson.
#CoachStephHasSpoken
Josh Altman and Heather Bilyeu (the soon to be Mrs. Josh Altman) are one of the newest power couples in LA! Both successful realtors, viewers see multi-million dollar real estate deals delivered each week by Josh and Heather on Bravo’s Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles (#MDLLA). They have done a great job keeping business and “pleasure” separate, as Josh works for one agency and she with The Agency, owned by the amazingly attractive and successful husband, of Kyle Richards (of Real Housewives Beverly Hills fame)–Mauricio Umansky (www.TheAgencyRE.com).However, recently, Josh and his brother decided to open a new real estate venture, appropriately named “The Altman Brothers,” and much to Heather’s chagrin, Josh decided that for the sake of their relationship, she will not be involved.
Of course, she was disappointed…make that a little shy of furious.
Despite the 82% (I read somewhere) that agree with Heather, I am going on record that I agree ONE MILLION PERCENT with Josh!
It takes a very special couple to work and to “play” together. In a business like real estate, which is competitive (and can be cutthroat), working together could pose some challenges. The challenges at work, then become the challenges at home, and it’s down hill from there. Consider the challenges that Heather endured with Madison, if those same issues emerged between Heather and another agent at The Altman Brothers, businessman Josh, then morphs into super-protective fiancé or new husband Josh Altman, and we have a problem…a big one. I personally, hate to see Josh when he’s not calm, cool and collected, and I can only imagine how wrong that can go in real life.
Hopefully, Heather has seen the light (since this was taped many moons ago), and recognizes that being separate in their professional endeavors will allow them to have professional happenings to share during their quality times at home, but will also keep them from having their personal lives overrun by real estate. As a couple, it is imperative that this time is used to get to know each other –even better than they do now. This is the time for deep discussions about our future and our children, NOT to be distracted by some deal that went South the day before, nor to explore the quickest way to entice a buyer for a $20.2 million compound in the Hollywood Hills.
What anyone can learn from this situation, is that if you have a significant other who is actively taking responsibility for the success of the relationship, then that is a good thing…this is what Josh did. I give Josh kudos for standing up for his relationship and saying that working together may create situations that may impact our ability to stay together. I give Heather kudos for being upset at first, but accepting the reality and–even if she doesn’t mean it–showing solidarity with Altman’s decision. Ultimately, this is what marriage is about–being teammates. As such is the case, “Team Altman-Bilyeu” is on the right track.
Congrats!
#CoachStephHasSpoken
Update: Josh and Heather wed in 2016 after a three-year engagement. Congrats!
These are the insightful, yet anti-climatic words I shared with a client today. Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. We want answers to questions, and responses to emails, and replies to texts, right? While it doesn’t seem like much to ask, sometimes it is and we will be forced into a position of waiting. We cannot make them answer, and that’s probably for the best. In the end, the response that you deserve may come, or it may not. However, learning patience is an invaluable lesson, and one that many of us need to learn (or need a refresher course). #CSHS
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Hey folks,
Here’s another installment of making sure all of your relationships are tightened up. Remember these posts will not only give you insight on how to deal with a significant other, but deal with others who are significant (which will in turn help you with your significant other).
Review
So I’ll be brief in my review. Last month I simply made it a point not to be a doormat in dealing with the people in your world. The reason why I said that was when you do this you fall short of the standard necessary to be the best thing anyone’s ever seen. And you ultimately polarize yourself against the “Category #3’ers (see previous post).
Now for this month’s lesson…
What are the dangers of losing Category #3’ers? Let’s be real here. Not even your Category #3’ers are going to be perfect. Sometimes they are not going to meet your expectation levels. Well if it be your significant other, a good friend, or a mentor, you get upset at that. Then you get upset with yourself. Then you get angry at them. Then you just have a whole bunch of angry in your business. But, have you ever stopped to wonder why you were angry? What you were angry at? What was really going on with that person?
If you didn’t even ask these questions, you’re very angry. This is what happens…
Unmet Expectation Levels, Wounds, and More Trouble
Well, if you find yourself all around fussity because of something someone did or didn’t do, chances are you’ve been wounded. A wound is mindset that prevents you from reaching the fullness of what you are supposed to be. If you don’t want your rockstar to crash, it is best to undergo a greater discernment to find a greater understanding of what you are dealing with. That way you can figure out what’s the matter. Maybe you’re the issue. Maybe they are the issue. Maybe it’s circumstance. Either way, you know FORGIVENESS is a great way to go to release that pain. Because with unreleased pain then it becomes part of the mindset.
Think about it like this…let’s say you’re in a dating relationship with someone. You REALLY like them and most of what they do but they don’t call you as often as they like. Do you let that person go because they aren’t doing everything they you want them to, or do you love them beyond their shortcomings? Of course some things you aren’t supposed to put up with, especially if they are behavior patterns. However, if you leave them over something like that, that you could forgive them for, and love them through…what next? Those feelings aren’t a light switch are they? And even if you move on to the next person, how will you react when you see your ex in the store, or the mall, or on the street. You may be civil but somewhere in your gut you feel sick a bit don’t you?
You know that saying it’s “cheaper to keep her”? Well that’s true the most in this regard (whether it be a girlfriend OR a boyfriend). Just not worth the drama You’re not over the last person so you can’t show how awesome you are to that new person…next thing you know you got three miserable folks.
Don’t do it, don’t be a doormat, but don’t be a relationship tyrant either!
Until next time!
Twitter is all a buzz. Entertainment news shows are reporting. Magazine after magazine is covered with the same headline. Who cheated on whom? Who’s dating whom? Breakup shocker! Are Rihanna and Chris Brown really back together? Jaws dropped at the news of Danny DeVito and Rhea Pearlman’s split up. And every week we rush to the nearest information source for the latest on Rob Pattison and Kristen Stewart. Why are we so obsessed with the love lives of these people we don’t know? We learn about their lives in sound bites and the scroll of the ticker tape. Surely there is something or another relationship perhaps, we can be concerned with.
It’s been suggested that we get so caught up in the entertainment love news as an escape from our own ‘stuff’. I wonder how much we’d really care if we were busy taking care of ourselves. Oh, I don’t know turning the tube off and spending that time learning more about ourselves; rather than dissecting who and why of which celeb should be with whom. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy star gazing as much as the next person. What if we took the time to love ourselves as much as we spend the time worrying about their love lives maybe we wouldn’t have time to do so? Make sense?
That got me to thinking. What do we, can we do to work on the most important relationship we have – our relationship with our selves. I am the VIP of my life after all! Aren’t you? ABSOLUTELY! No? Let’s look at some ways to o ascend in our personal VIP (PVIP) status.
Becoming your PVIP is a learned way of life, not taught to everyone. Some of us need a refresher course. Wherever you are on your PVIP journey, you are not alone. There are others on the same journey and luckily for you, you have me (smile) to help you on the way!
Have questions or just want to share part of your journey? I’m an email away at chiefheartwranglerr@whatthelove.org.
Remember, if you don’t define you, someone else will. And that’s too important a job to leave to just anyone.
X’s and O’s
Your ‘Say YES!’ campaign begins with a “What the Heck?!” attitude. This attitude gives the feeling that what you’re about to do will be light, casual, and a bit thrilling.
Remember to ‘Say YES!’ means you want to
1) Say YES! to Hope Again
2) Say YES! to Seeing Your Life with New Glasses
3) Say YES! to Changing the Conversation You Are Having with Yourself
4) Say YES! to Knowing How the Story Will End. Surrendering All of the Endings of Your Stories and Be Intentional About It.
| [adsenseyu6] | So What the Heck?! Here we go….here are some everyday opportunities to “Say YES!”
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What the Heck?! It always seems impossible until you do it. The key is the power of your ‘Yes!’ in the small things and big things in your everyday life.
So what will you Say Yes! to this week?
So how do you and I start Living A Better Story? Isn’t that what you and I want? We’ve heard all of the concepts and to-do lists. We’re read everybody else’s story, which is often written AFTER they are on the other side and it is all pretty. Well, that’s not me, and that’s not my story. I suspect that is not you story either. Personally, I’m into more sensible things I can start in the here and now to get me going.
The first sensible place, and I would argue the best place, to start is to begin your very own “Say YES!” campaign. Not just getting up and starting a new day with another resolution and disciplining yourself with another behavior that usually doesn’t end up lasting. Rather it is about investing in a profound change of your heart, one that starts in your head with a clear decision, and drifts to your heart.
For instance it is not “I’m not going to call him today” or “I’m not going to think about what is happening or going on right now.” Okay, okay….maybe it is “I’m going to pray, go to church, go to counseling, etc.” These resolutions are all really good things to consider, and will even contribute to living a better story for awhile.
However, this campaign is more real and realistic as a first step if you DECIDE, before there is enough proof, to decide to:
1) Say YES! to Hope Again
2) Say YES! to Seeing Your Life with New Glasses
3) Say YES! to Changing the Conversation You Are Having with Yourself
4) Say YES! to Surrendering All of the Endings of Your Stories and Be Intentional About It.
These four decisions will serve as a premise, something that helps support a conclusion, and is considered to be true for the expressed purpose of experiencing a better story. This part is particularly hard for the thinking women out there who want something more practical to do!
This “Say Yes” campaign can help you change your very thinking one decision at a time to find hope when you feel hopeless. It can give you new lenses from which to view your life when the same scene appears. It can change the devastatingly negative, insecure conversation you have with yourself on a daily basis, and if you are anything like me I bet you have lots of conversations going on.
“Say Yes!” campaigns have the potential, if you let it, to end the madness of watching the same movie of life over and over with the same characters replaced with different faces and story lines.
Have you even seen Groundhog Day, the movie? It’s hilarious! Bill Murray, a reporter, gets up to film Punxsutawney Phil, a groundhog, let the world know when winter is over and spring is here. He’s got a mad crush on Andie McDowell, his producer. Once he figures out the same maddening story is happening day after day, he finally chooses to change his mind and go about his day to affect a different outcome. What’s even crazier it is an entire 2-hour movie!
What am I saying? I am asking you to think about a heart change. We don’t get a chance to do our lives over each day like Bill Murray, but we do have a choice today. Will you begin your “Say YES” campaign today or continue to be stuck in the same scene tomorrow?
Next time ~ The Everyday Opportunities to “Say YES!”