You think about it all the time, and you wonder what has happened to the thing that used to bring you so much joy and happiness. You’ve tried to fix it, but it’s just not right. You talk without resolution, and now you’re beginning to believe that you’re settling. Your friends ask how the two of you are doing, and you have no idea how to respond. Do you tell them about your how unhappy you are, or do you continue to sing the praises of your privately dysfunctional relationship? Decisions, decisions.
Just admit it…you’re ashamed of your relationship.
It happens in the best relationships. Two people come together, and create a wonderful connection and begin to plan their future together. It’s a healthy relationship. Conflicts are resolved, and compromises are upheld. This awesome pair soon hears the buzz of how perfect they are together and the inevitability of wedding bells.
It has worked…well…until now.
Now you’re confused. And, while the relationship hasn’t changed drastically, you don’t feel the same way. Perhaps some promises weren’t kept to your expectations, or some of your most recent discussions didn’t seem to merit the attention once given by your significant other. In fact, you might even be wondering what you might have done wrong, or to this person to bring the relationship to this points. Whatever happened…you’ve developed feelings of unhappiness…and again, it’s okay.
In order to push past this season of being ashamed, a few questions must first be answered:
One: Do you still want to be in a relationship with this person? If so, then you may have to admit that the two of you need a little help. I have to say that I find it odd that couples do not seek professional help when things are going awry. If you know that you are compatible (not just attracted to each other) and have hit a little rough spot, there is nothing wrong with calling in a coach, or counselor to help you…there’s NOTHING to be ashamed of. In one of my most recent mediations, it became clear that both parties were saying the same thing, but hearing each other differently. It is amazing just how often this happens. Once I helped them hear each other, they were “fixed” and ready to get back to building a great relationship. If you don’t want to be in a relationship with this person…then, stop reading, request information on my uniquely create breakup process, called D-Method, and let’s begin your relationship rehab, STAT!
Two: Have you been fair to this person? Have you been CLEARLY communicating your expectations and THEN holding your signif (significant other) to them? Or, have you been expecting them to read your mind and act accordingly? Sometimes we become complacent with our levels of communication, especially in a strong, long-standing relationship. We believe that the other person can read our minds, and because of that, we become lax in our communications with them. If you are guilty of this, there is only one thing to do…*pause for dramatic effect* …apologize. Openly admit that this is what you’ve been doing, and how you think it’s been impacting the relationship.
Three: Is it time for a vacation? Sometimes we all need to get away. Away from work, life, the chatter of our friends and family members…just get away. Stress impacts every relationship in your life, and if you two (or one of you) is not recharging his or her battery, it can become detrimental to the relationship. Consider the case of a couple in my book, “The Business of Dating,” who were being impacted by his long hours and her desire to be flexible, but still a priority. The stress and demands of his job were about to not only effect but terminate the relationship. Don’t be a victim of poor work-life balance…pack your bags and get out of dodge!
As I said before, it’s okay if you’ve become ashamed of your relationship. But, that doesn’t have to be the end of the love story. Visit www.NoLoveLeftBehind.com and find a program that will help get you and your signif out of struggling and BACK into snuggling. Trust me, it can be done.