Beautiful image of letting go

Why You’re Not Letting Go

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Letting go.  Two words that are tossed around like they are easy to do.  Inevitably, we will have enough relationships in our lives that sometimes we have to consider letting go of relationships…even if only for a season (or two).

While it’s easy to say the words, it’s not easy to do.  Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care, or that you have someone else that you’d rather be close to.  Letting go means that you no longer want to put energy into the relationship.  So, for the sake of your own edification, consider the following reasons why you are not letting go.

There’s something that you have to do.  Sometimes when we cannot let go, there’s a really good reason: there is something that we have to do for this person, for ourselves, or for the relationship as a whole.  Maybe it’s a prayer or days of prayer, or maybe there is something that has to be said.  Whatever it is, honor the feeling that you have and seek out what you have to do…then do it.

You always let go.  Many people have what’s commonly known as “the gift of goodbye.”  This gift allows one to bid anyone a fond (and FAST) ado when they are not behaving as the gifted one feels that they should.  This giftedness is actually a control mechanism, and when we are easy or eager to let people go, there will come a time to teach an old dog new tricks.  And this new trick is not letting go because you want to exert control over the situation that is bugging you.

You don’t know how to “let go.”  Does letting go mean that you delete their number, block their number and act as if the person has disappeared into the a black hole in the middle of the Universe?  No.  Now, others may say otherwise, but letting go doesn’t have to have malicious intent.  If you’re not a mean person, or if letting go feels “mean” to you, then it behoove you to examine what letting go means to you.  Sometimes letting go means that you talk to your journal instead of talking to other people.  Sometime letting go means a total moratorium on discussing the situation with him/her/them, and spending more time doing things that you love…for you.

Another article on Letting Go from WikiHow

Lastly, one of the reasons that you are not letting is because you don’t want to.  When someone comes into your life and they mean something to you, you put energy into that relationship.  When the relationship is unfruitful, you still put energy into it because the person matters to you.  There’s nothing wrong with that.

If you take nothing else from this little “ditty,” then take this: Let go when (and if) you want to.  If this relationship (platonic, romantic, familiar, etc.) means something to you, then you need to process it and its value in your life.  If it still serves you and you see a pot of gold at the end of a currently muted-color rainbow, then by all means, be true to you and honor your intuition.  However, if you’re being emotionally bankrupted by this connection, then it may be time to put your energy on the shelf and grab a massage…and perhaps a margarita…or green tea.  You get the idea.



Kimberly Moore: Do you REALLY Have Room for Something New?

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I’m a fan of Twitter. I have fun sharing moments of my life, learning from people and being inspired. I may never personally meet those I learn from or inspired by, but sometimes, for a moment, I meet them by replying to their tweets or join their work through my retweets. I love it even more than Facebook.

Let me use one of my favorite people I follow on Twitter to illustrate the idea of “Allowing for Loss.” Shaun King (@shaunking) is a guy who has done a lot in his life, including serving as a pastor of a growing church in Atlanta, and being founder of TWITCHANGE, which is a game-changer for using social media to get causes in the forefront of audiences on Twitter with over 30K followers. Last spring, he experienced great loss in losing both of those jobs, selling almost everything his young family of 5 had. Sensing it was best for his family to make a clean break from Atlanta with no job or clear purpose; they decided to take up an offer to move to California, stay with another family and figure out what’s next. Undeniably great loss of daily friendships, their home and dreams. An excavation of the heart for sure. But he did. In doing so, new doors opened. New purpose HopeMob @Hope, just moved into a new home, received invitation  from White House that he had to turn down, and raising a family member’s daughter.

When we decide to excavate our hearts, loss is what we feel first and most. Even if it’s our idea! Even if it’s good for us. Rather, we often think when we allow for loss it only means something is subtracted from our lives, or even funnier maybe is that we think something is wrong because we have lost.  Maybe that’s the pain or fear speaking to us.

What if it’s right that we lost this or that? What would happen if you or I allowed loss to be a natural part of life like growing up?

What do you and I get in the end? We begin to store up experiences of responding well and allowance for loss. We start to think differently about loss and our ability to stay whole in the process. We build confidence of our ability in our heart that we will live and not die because of these losses. We make room in our hearts and life for the best kind of love and relationships.

Click here to take a journey to see if you’ve allowed for loss. Choose today to find your life and love planned and awaiting you. Make room in your life now.

I’m in process too and betting on it being worth it all.  What’s your story? How have you allowed for loss? Was it worth it all?