We heart Little Women! Tonya Banks (aka “Little Boss) is one the big stars of Lifetime’s hit reality show, “Little Women: LA.” Recently, Tonya became obsessed with marrying her longtime on-and-off-and-on-and-off live-in boyfriend Kerwin. Kerwin and Tonya share an adult daughter, and after 20-something years of dating and mating, he moved from Texas to California to give Tonya the committed relationship she FINALLY figured out that she wanted from him. Emphasis on FINALLY!
So what’s the issue? Tonya wants to be a wife, but doesn’t act like one. Period. Little Women: LA is chock full of large personalities and Tonya is one. As an independent woman (, she is used to doing things her way. Okay, we get it, but you’re way is not the married way. In fact, she said in a recent episode that she is not going to change her ways until she knows that this is forever. In watching her, I see a self-centered individual who is afraid of true vulnerability because it hasn’t paid off in the past. Self-protection makes sense, it’s a basic animal right, but it doesn’t quite make you wife material…sorry, “Boss.”
Thinking that you’ll magically become a wife when you get married is almost laughable. And, it’s definitely the wrong attitude towards the situation.
Tonya, do you really think that this man is going to put a ring on your finger to incite you to change? We caution women about this all the time, so why should a man not be entitled to the same stance on this issue? If you want to be seen as a wife, then you should act like one. You already live with the man, so clearly you have no problem with giving milk without being a cow that is owned–or however the saying goes–so don’t try to get belligerent about needing a ring in order to act like a wife. “I’m not going to act all wifed up,” she says…hmmmmm…
Tonya is also not listening. She is quick to tell her fellow Little Women stars that she wants to be married. But she is not quick to listen to what Kerwin is saying on the matter. Ultimately, Tonya is lucky to be with a man who is telling her what is lacking in their relationship pre-nuptials. In doing so, he is giving them a chance to resolve their issuesssssss. Additionally, while she is campaigning for wifedom, she tells the camera that she is still waiting for the shoe to drop (aka from them to break up…AGAIN). So which is it? Even Kerwin feels as if she is not fully committed…and that is a real problem.
As a client, I would talk to Tonya about her vision for being a wife, and what she hopes to gain from being married. It seems that there are some very idyllic thoughts behind her desire to be married, (especially as the only Little Women: LA cast member who is not “all wifed up”) and it’s best to get to the bottom of those before you stroll down the aisle and say “I do.”
Author: Coach Steph
Award-winning marketer, college educator, certified coach, author, on-air radio host and agent of ridiculously undeniable, life-altering change, Stephanie D. McKenzie brings more than two decades of business and marketing expertise to crafting strategies that make your relationships work for you.
THIS MEANS: No more one-sided, you-give-they-take, don’t-call-me-a-door-mat, but-I-am-just-that, wish-that-they-would-understand-what-I-need relationships for YOU!
As seen via national and international media outlets, including Black Life Coaches.net, eHarmony, HowAboutWe.com. GalTime.com, Shape Magazine*, Singles Warehouse, Women’s Day, WVON Chicago, Yahoo, and YourTango, Coach Steph can always be found giving someone “The Business” on how to get the life and love that they truly deserve!