3 Ways Stress May Affect Your Relationships

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Most people will admit to being stressed, without hesitation.  However, there is a difference acute stress and chronic stress. Often our clients may find themselves annoyed, cranky and not in the mood for days and weeks at a time.  While this may seem like a rough patch or those moments when we’re not getting along, the true culprit may be good old fashioned stress.

GRAB YOUR TICKETS FOR OUR AMAZING APRIL EVENTS!

April 11: Life+Meditation Circle April 17: Smash Therapy for Singles
April 18: Smash Therapy for Couples April 25: Intimacy Circle with Dr. Lottie

  • Work stress.

  • Life stress.

  • Lack of balance stress.

  • All the stress.

So, here are three ways that stress may affect your relationships, and why we’re hosting four events in April to help you deal.

The First Way: You Are Tired

Being tired is a given in life.  At some, we are exhausted by our obligations, and sometimes even our opportunities.  When we are stressed, being tired is not usually far behind.  Our bodies are taxed by the elevated levels of hormones and the responses of our nervous system being on high alert.  As such is the case, we may lack energy, and just want to lie down or goto sleep.  Your partner may wonder what’s going on, even more than you do.  If you’re constantly feeling burdened or just exhausted—like you just ran a half marathon, then it’s time to make some changes.

The goal is to turn off your fight or flight response with some rest and digest.  Whatever has you stressed out is more than likely something that you cannot control.  If that is the case, consider what you can do to relax and ground yourself.

  • Meditation?

  • Yoga?

  • Watch a hilarious movie?

  • Do something you enjoy? Yes, you’re stressed out about not having time, but imagine how much better you will feel once you laugh, stress or even cry.

The Second Way: You are Not Interested…

…in anything!  Stress can not only affect your energy level but your desire for even the most pleasurable events…even sex.  Sometimes you’re just not in the mood, we get it, but your partner may not. At some point, you have to take inventory of why you’re not interested, and if you find that stress is the culprit, do your level best to bring it down some notches.

Whatever you do, don’t continue to make excuses.  Being disinterested is telling you that something is out of whack, especially if you’re taking a pass on your favorite activities with your favorite person (people).

The Third Way: You are Cranky

Yes it is normal to be cranky from time to time, but it’s not normal to be cranky most of the time, or at the same time every day.

If you’re not sleeping, that can be stressful and you’ll find yourself lacking the capacity to deal with even routine nonsense—especially with that one co-worker (yeah, that one).

How do you know if you’re stressed because of a lack of quality sleep or rest at night?  Look at how you wake up.  Waking up tired usually is the first indicator of a night of unrest.  Need caffeine to function—another clue.

So, in the end, stress is normal, but being stressed all the time, more often than not, is not the norm.  That being said, if anything in this article applies to you, it’s time to do something different.

And we have a few options for you. (Wink!)

GRAB YOUR TICKETS FOR OUR AMAZING APRIL EVENTS!

April 11: Life+Meditation Circle April 17: Smash Therapy for Singles
April 18: Smash Therapy for Couples April 25: Intimacy Circle with Dr. Lottie

Continue reading “3 Ways Stress May Affect Your Relationships” →

Couple talking about marriage

6 Hard Questions to Ask Your Spouse if you Want your Marriage to Last

Posted on by Coach Steph
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Marriage is a commitment.  You know that.  You said, “I do” days, weeks, months, or years ago.  And now you live out what you promised…right?  Most people think that marriage is work, but many are not doing the right kind of work.

Really?

Really.

Most marriages work re-actively–reacting to conflict, reacting to situations, reacting to this and that.  But to be proactive is rare.  As such is the case, being proactive in marriage is something that may be worth addressing.  One way to be proactive in marriage is to ask questions; however, these are not questions that you just ask “whenever.” Nor, do you ask in the midst of a conflict, or argument. These are questions that you schedule time to ask and to discuss.  So here are 6  hard questions that you should ask your spouse (because assuming just makes things more difficult.)

Question One: Are we happy together?

Now this is a humdinger!  What if they say “no?”  What if they say “not for a while?”  O…what if they say “yes” (Whew!)  Whatever the response, it is best to know the answer, and not just assume that because you have “no problems” that you have no problems. (Get it?)

If this answer is not what you want to hear, consider it an opportunity to get better and do better.  Don’t get mad, don’t upset–get focused.   Marriage is a journey, sometimes people get tired, that doesn’t mean that you can’t regroup and start the journey again…got it?

Question Two: Are our vows still valid?

What?  We said to love, honor and cherish til death do we part…how could that not be valid.  Easy–you had no clue what you were promising at the time.  Besides, these are very vague terms, and so perhaps it’s time to sit down and drill down on the expectations of those vows, beyond the fanfare and the 7-tier cake.

Question Three: What can we do to be better for each other?

This is a question for the bravest of the brave.  And if you ask this question…you are the real MVP.  Seriously.  Most married people believe that they are doing the best that they can, and that is all that they can do.  But is it?  Probably not.  What if your spouse just needs you to listen to their recap of the day (or wait and hour for them to get settled before you start).  The “do” can be very little–but have so much impact on the status of our unions.

Question Four: Is our sex life (physical intimacy) satisfying?

Ummmm yes!  This is a question that you have to ask.  You may think that you have it going on–and maybe you do–but perhaps that’s not always what the situation called for.  When we talk to premarital and marital couples at The Relationship Firm, we address their sexual expectations.  (Actually we tell them to address them, and then report back with as little detail as possible…SMILE!)  People always tell married people that they have to keep the spice–or keep “it” fresh…but what does that mean in YOUR marriage.  And if your spouse tells you no…don’t get all emotional…ask why?  Then we can move forward.

Question Five: Is there anything that you miss about me? (You can also add “about us?”)

This is different way to ask the question “have I changed?”  Great question.  And a great way to open up a dialogue around emotional intimacy, spatial intimacy, and spiritual intimacy.  You may have no clue that your spouse REALLY liked when you made pancakes and you had breakfast together on Saturdays; but now you grab granola as you head to yoga.  They may miss how you jumped in the shower and washed their back.  Again, it could be little things.

More questions on intimacy and closeness (if you need them). 

Lastly, Question Six: Is there anything that you want me to know?

This is a blanket question.  But it has power.  Consider using it if you are not ready to ask the other five questions.

At the end of the day, it’s your marriage and you have to find out what works for you.  All the couples at The Relationship Firm know that we are just a GPS and they have to set their destination.  When people tell you what works in marriage, they only know what worked for them–not you.  Don’t be afraid to have a unique marriage.  Don’t be afraid to do things differently that ANYONE ELSE.  If it works and keeps you moving forward as a couple, then that’s all that matters.

Ready…set…ask…

How our human battery looks when we're tired of this and that.

CONFESSION: I’m tired of…

Posted on by Coach Steph
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Tired of… These days, it doesn’t take much to become tired of something.  Sometimes we’re just tired of our hectic lives and mundane schedules.   Other times, we’re of something particular: the relationship that won’t get back on the right track; the dream that is taking its sweet time coming to pass; the child that acts if they were raised by wolves, despite coming from your very own womb…things like that.

Well, here’s the good news: It’s okay to be tired of whatever you find yourself tired of.

Here’s more news: It’s not okay to stay tired.

If we’re willing to accept that being tired is our fault, then there are many things that we can do to put an end to our tiredness.  Why is it out fault? Because many of things that we are tired of, we cannot control, or change.  So, we’re tired because we have exhausted our energy by putting it into a place that cannot return the investment.

How do you change the relationship that won’t get back on track?  Either accept that it’s going to be the way that it is, or get out of the relationship.  When we stay and try to fix it, and make it change, or change the other person, that doesn’t work…it never works!  So, here we are tired of this relationship.  No, what we’re tired of is things not being the way we think they should be, or not serving us in a positive way.  So deal with it! Seriously.

Same thing with your dreams…are you tired because you’ve done all you can do, or because you did the bare minimum and it didn’t pay off?  Ask yourself, why is this taking so long…is it me? Or…the dream?  Sometimes dreams take as long as they are going to take.  Again, you can accept that or get a new dream.  What’s your choice?  Visionaries these grand individuals who dream vividly, but can also be very, VERY impatient.  But if you’re willing to stay the course and be diligent…I do believe that the manifestation of said dream is closer than you might think.

We’ve saved the best for last…

Now the child…that may be a hard one, or any family member.  But, again, what are you tired of?  Are you tired of trying to get them to clean their room, or do their homework?  Find a purpose? Stop hanging out with him or her?  What if you stop trying?  What if you decide this is unacceptable and that you’re not going to discuss it with them anymore?  After spending weeks, months or years dealing with this situation, what happens if you declare this as the last month for this situation because he or she is going to start seeing a life coach and if that doesn’t change anything then boarding school (or military school) it is.  Wow! That sounds harsh; however, what else are you going to do?

We’ve told you that you deserve the best life (and love), so it’s time to take that to heart and stop being tired of situations that you cannot control or change in your own power.  Make a decision that is best for you (and your sanity), and start being tired of being relaxed…not worrying…not stressing.  See, that doesn’t even make sense.

But…you get the idea. Love YOU! Mean it!

 

7 Scary Relationships

Posted on by Coach Steph
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There are all kinds of relationships…but here are six that I find a little, and one that I  find really “scary.”

We don’t really know anything about each other.
Consider the fact that most people send their representative out on at least the first 5 dates, and add to that the reality that the majority of people who date don’t want to ask hard questions about the other person, and the possibility of not really knowing anything about each other becomes very real.

But it doesn’t have to stay this way.  Both parties can ask meaningful questions so that they do get to know each other.  Questions such as:

  • What are your expectations for someone you’re in a relationship with?
  • Have you ever cheated? Why did you (if you did)?
  • What are your life and career goals?

help you come to an understand about who the person you call your “signif” (significant other).

I don’t like you, despite saying I love you.
Admittedly, I spent a decade in a relationship with someone I loved, but didn’t like.  But, liking the person you’re in a relationship with supersedes loving them–believe it or not.  The friendship element of your relationship helps sustain the rest of your relationship.  Out of friendship is born respect, trust, honesty, communication, common ground.  Friendship is the foundation of an amazing love story.

We don’t share anything/our communication sucks.
Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships with people who don’t let us into their lives.  If this is you, consider sharing some thing that is special, but doesn’t make you uncomfortable.  If you’re person who feels a bit jilted about what you’re not being told, then perhaps its time to look at the root of this situation.

Of course, you could always schedule an intervention or mediation, and we can talk through the things that are not being talked about.

I can’t trust you.
While this is a warning for both guys and gals, guys need to be aware that the gals in their lives need stability.  Stability doesn’t stop with trusting you to take care of things and being financially secure.  Trust and stability starts with keeping your word, calling/coming/doing when you say you will.  Every promise needs to be kept, or admitted that it can’t be kept.  It’s scares people (no pun) to be connected to someone that doesn’t keep their word, or fails to admit when they can’t.

In the end, everyone needs to be able to believe in the person they are with. Your word is your bond.

It’s just sex…REALLY!
You cannot build a relationship that lasts on sex.  You can build a sexual relationship, but to attempt to turn that into something meaningful is usually futile.  If it’s just sex, then that’s a decision that you BOTH should make, along with setting boundaries, getting tested, and agreeing that being physically intimate does not imply or guarantee an exclusive, long-term, or loving relationship.

If you want an exclusive, long-term relationship, you may want to consider exploring sex-free relationships so you can get to know each other and spend quality time without the burden of STDs, pregnancy scares, or late night texts asking, “what are
you doing?”

Lastly, you hurt me.
This is not just about emotional pain, but physical pain as well.  Without going through all the signs of an abusive relationship, the one thing that you have to know is that if you don’t feel safe…you probably aren’t safe.  Not only is today Halloween, but it’s the last day of Domestic Violence Awareness month.  If you’re in an abusive relationship–emotional, physical, financial, etc, perhaps it’s time to make this “last time,” be the LAST TIME.  Get  CONFIDENTIAL help now…

In conclusion, there are definitely some other scary relationships, and if you see your relationship in one of the seven above…there is something you can do about it.  There is no reason to settle for an average relationship when you can have an amazing relationship using the same time, energy and emotions.  Learn more…

Celebrity Love Notes: What I Told Evelyn Lozada About Chad Ochocinco

Posted on by Coach Steph
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With the new season of Basketball Wives, we are now forced to relive the saga that is the short-lived marriage of Evelyn Lozada and Chad Ochocinco.

First things first…this relationship started off with a major handicap.  When you sleep someone on the first date (or very early in the dating process), you lose the ability to learn more about the person. Now you’re just looking for more sex–especially if the sex is good.

Secondly, Evelyn ignored some key signs that Chad wasn’t ready to be a husband.  In my honest professional opinion, Chad is a nice guy, and while I believe there is more to the “headbutt” story, the truth is that Chad wasn’t ready to be a husband.   Now, post-incident, she spends much of her on-camera time with therapists and getting her life “fixed” (you know what I mean). However, I humbly ask the question of why wasn’t this time spent pre-nuptials  with the both of them working to put this relationship on a viable path-if one existed?  Evelyn is a beautiful woman, however, wisdom is what is most needed when choosing a mate.  Take heed.

If Evelyn was my client, I would tell her that choosing a boyfriend and then deciding if that boyfriend can be a husband is a process.  And, in order to make that process work well, physical intimacy has to be left put of the equation, and the emphasis should be placed on getting to know each other and assessing how this person’s past has affected them.  There has to be a certain amount of diligence when learning about someone, and again, when sex is one facet of the relationship, learning about the other facets becomes a real challenge.

When someone you are interested in shares tales of tragic childhoods, deadbeat fathers, dead end relationships, and the like, you don’t have to disqualify them, but your antennae should go up and your new mission is to learn how these past occurrences affect them today.  Do they hate women because of something their mother did? Or is their definition of manhood based on the teachings of a “rolling stone” father? This is important! It’s even more important than how great they are in the sack, or how successful they are.  These are the hard questions that no one wants to ask.  But if you’re considering this person for the rest of your life, then that is nothing to take lightly.

What anyone can learn from this situation:  Just as I “told” Kris Humphries, there were signs before you walked down the aisle that this union may not have been for you, or may not have been ready to become the relationship that you want it to be.

Marriage is serious business.  We’re talking about two people, becoming one, and making a covenant with Divine power.  People have minimized it to a pre-nuptial agreement and something that a divorce can get you out of, but don’t be confused by the trite behavior displayed by popular culture.  And, don’t get trapped or caught in a situation that could’ve been avoided with diligent investigation and dedicated time spent communicating INSTEAD of consummating.

Now, if they decide to reconcile, there are major issues that should be dealt with…but I will address that in another article.

#CoachStephHasSpoken

Disclaimer: Just so it’s clearly stated, Coach Steph has not nor is currently working with Evelyn Lozada or Chad Ochocinco.  This article is simply a professional perspective on how the elements of this relationship can affect others, as well as what others can learn from this incident.

Stop the Pain! Here are Four Reasons They Treat you So Bad…

Posted on by Coach Steph
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Recently I encountered a random question on Facebook about being with an inconsiderate person. The question was, “how do you handle this?”

My response was, “that’s not the right question.” (At least that is the first sentence…)

Look at what you are asking. You, considerate person, are asking how to deal with someone who is the opposite. But, based on the question, it is quite clear that you have no affinity for this behavior; however, for the sake of having a relationship…you are inquiring how you should “handle” it.

Reason Number One: You are not putting yourself first. Now, I’m sure this is not a new phrase, people say it all the time. Here’s my take: putting yourself first doesn’t just mean loving yourself and holding yourself in high esteem. It’s also about knowing your boundaries and sticking to your dealbreakers. It’s about observing a person’s behavior, BEFORE you decide that they are worthy of sharing a relationship with you.

Got it?

Reason Number Two: You’re doing ordinary things, and expecting extraordinary results. No matter how good you are, at whatever “kinky” acts you bring to the table. If you haven’t noticed, that doesn’t stop them from treating you badly. Why? Because what you’re doing is no different than the last person. The sex…the catering…whatever you’re giving them, they have had that before. But since you’ve convinced yourself that you are special (and you are, just not because of that thing you do), you’re expecting them to be mesmerized by those acts. Ever considered doing the opposite of what the other or previous person has done. Hmmmm…

Reason Number Three: There are no consequences. People will continue to engage in the behavior that you reward or allow. While I am not a fan of the “make them pay” mentality, I also think that it is ludicrous for someone to hurt you and then you turn around and lavish gifts and affection on them. If nothing else, this person should know how you feel, because you CALMLY and NICELY let them know that you don’t appreciate ___________. Too many people sit in silence and excruciating pain in an attempt to keep their relationship. That’s a price that is too high.

Reason Number Four: YOU LET THEM! You handle the inconsiderate behaviors; you tolerate disrespectful words thrown your way, and as long as you do…this is what you will receive.

If you were at a store and someone kept bringing you items that you did not want, would you just take them, PAY for them, and leave the store? No, and if you did, people would think that was ridiculous.

Now, here’s the big question: You knew all of these things before you read this article. Now that your suspicions have been once again confirmed, what are YOU going to do?  You are worthy of better, you deserve better, and if they cannot do better, then you have options.  I encourage you to be a wise person and choose what is best for you.

Don’t live in the situation that you just read about. Learn more about The Relationship Firm and what we can do to “fix” your relationship.

#CoachStephHasSpoken

Relationship Stuff: Why Sex Matters

Posted on by Coach Steph
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It’s not uncommon for people who are dating to want to get to know each other. They spend time together and, hopefully, have a good time. Walking together, talking for hours, finding out silly little things we have in common.

Uh-oh.

Because usually when two people have a good time, they want to have a better time.  And, that “better time” normally means sex.

No big deal, right?

Wrong!

Sex is a huge deal.  It’s not casual or incidental.  It’s major!

Here’s why sex matters:
This is not the STD, pregnancy, blah, blah, blah.  You’re a grown up, and if you don’t know that by now that sex can lead to STDs and pregnancy, then just stop reading now…because the rest is going to BLOW…YOUR…MIND!

Ok, you’re still here.  So, here are a few more reasons why sex matters.

Reason One: You’re literally intertwined with another person
This is a big deal, and the part that most people over look.  For those 20 to may 60 minutes, you are one.  And, being one with someone that you merely like, don’t know that well, or simply wanted to have some fun with, can be detrimental.  You’re not just one with their body…you are one with their mind…their soul…AND THEIR ISSUES.  And the connection doesn’t end when the deal is done.

Gasps!

No wonder you became confrontational after your last rendezvous with you-know-who.  Because you-know-who loves confrontation! While they may have left a smile on your face, they also left a residue.

This is the part where you should be a wee bit grossed out.

Don’t worry….I’ll wait.

So, to keep this brief, I will stop right here, but I challenge you to take just 30 seconds before your next intimate moment, and consider what that person is really giving you.  And, if think they’re hot, but hate their attitude, consider that your about to open yourself up (no pun intended) to being the very thing you hate.  On the other hand, if you love their attitude, this doesn’t exclude you, because nice people still have issues.

Bottom line: This is just one BIG reason (out of many BIG reasons) why sex matters.

#CoachStephHasSpoken

Celebrity Love Notes: FUSTERCLUCK! Three Couples that should NEVER be your Role Models

Posted on by Coach Steph
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Update: This list will continue in a another installment. 😉

It’s no secret, television impacts our relationships. When shows like “Donna Reed”, and “Father Knows Best” blessed the airwaves, people wanted strong marriages, nice houses and picket fences.  Even though we now know of the “Brady Bunch’s” off-screen antics, their saccharin-sweet show was a pioneer in showing people that a blended family could work.  Then came the iconic “Cosby Show” a family that many Americans at that time could identify with–and most wanted to be like.

AND THEN IT ALL WENT DOWN HILL!

Unfortunately, there are new shows every season, and some of my favorites, display some of the most dysfunctional relationships ever.  So, let me make it clear what doesn’t work by showing you at least three  (although there are soooooooo many more) that should never be your relationship role models.

Up first…Carrie Bradshaw and “Mr. Big;” To this day, I watch Sex and the City and wonder why we thought this was a good idea.  As the show progressed, we saw the pure dysfunction of this relationship, but since it ultimately ended in marriage, now many single women believe that if I just give it some time (even a decade), it will work out.

Why they cannot be your role models: Carrie and Big were never honest about their feelings.  When situations arose, they were not dealt with in a  mature manner.  If you remember, the first wedding ceremony was cancelled because of how Big was feeling.  This is not adult behavior.  While smoothed over by placing the blame on a statement by Miranda and Carrie’s selfish Vogue article, know that in real life, this relationship is probably not viable long-term.  No one has the time to constantly decipher what is going on with their mate.  And, if you do…it might be time to call me.

Next…Meredith and Derrick: Grey’s Anatomy has kept us intrigued for quite some with these two and their shenanigans.  Again, another dysfunctional relationship culminating with “I do.”  Another example of a relationship that doesn’t work unless someone is yelling cut and there’s a team of writers in a back room.

Why they cannot be your role models: This relationship was built on sex.  These people didn’t know a thing about each other.  But, the sex endeared them to each other.  If Meredith hadn’t slept with Derrick, (and these were real people), when she found out he was married, it probably would’ve been the end of the relationship.

Sex changes things, and usually it starts with your vision.

When you can see a relationship clearly, it cannot take over your life, and you stand a better chance of avoiding the “fustercluck” of it all.

I will save Scandal for another time–because some things go with saying…even if he is the President of the United States.

Lastly (for this part)…Tamara and Eddie: The way that reality TV has taken over our ability to think straight is horrific.  But, to be fair, I have to give a bit of attention to one of the most dysfunctional relationships on our small screens.  And, they too, are now married.

Why they cannot be your role models: Sadly, the foundation of this relationship doesn’t seem solid.  Unlike the previous couples, these are real people, and from the beginning, there was utter confusion.  Tamara chose to be with Eddie, instead of mourning the end of her marriage to Simon.  Eddie never exposed his machismo side…until recently.  Now, the reality (no pun intended) is setting in, and I am afraid that this marriage doesn’t have the strong foundation it needs to survive.

Ultimately, we should do our best to leave the sex out of our relationships until we know the person THOROUGHLY with their clothes on….or until he puts a ring on it (and not just an engagement ring).  But, most people don’t want to hear or do that, so many are doomed to deal with real issues after the I do…and they might start to think that they don’t.  Not only does the sex impact the relationship, but the inability to communicate difficulties or challenges is a red flag for your relationship’s future.  Communication can make and break any relationship–and has.  So, don’t be a victim.  When someone shows you who they are, believe them (Maya Angelou).

But that’s all for now…back to your relationships…Coach Steph Has Spoken!

All the #SingleLadies…

Posted on by Coach Steph
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I have held my tongue long enough!

After being repeatedly disappointed in the second season of the dollar-store version of Sex and the City, known to most of you, as “Single Ladies,” it’s time to make some things clear…

Single Ladies is doing its millions of viewers–who are largely female– a huge disservice.  Not only are these characters void of executive level careers, it seems that their every dating move, must culminate in some version of sex, which usually creates a even more dysfunctional relationship than what was occuring pre-sex.

In fact, all of the relationships on this show exhibit some level of dysfunction.  But, we continue to tune in because, for some, this is just life imitating art imitating life.

WTH?!

I was almost proud of the character played by Denise Vasi (Raquel) when she decided that she could date two different men.  However, my pride was dashed (no pun intended) to bits as she took the opportunity to bed one of them during the same episode.  Dating aint’ mating–consummating, that is–and as such is the case, should you follow the example of Denise’s character, you will end up just like she did…empty handed.

I won’t even go into the exploits of LisaRaye’s character, because the truth is that she is too old to be ungainfully employed, and driving the Ashton Martin her ex-signif bought for her.  While there are some of you reading this who think that is cute.  The truth is, she should be able to afford her own.  Her own Ashton Martin, her own house, and her own life.  But, that’s enough about that.

If you haven’t noticed, everytime one of these women engages in the sexual conquests, they are the ones that are conquered.  The lusts and passions of these characters are very true to life, and the outcomes of their decisions are very true to life, too.  If you continue to use sex as a toy, tool, plot, or powerplay, you will remain as these characters do: SINGLE.

It’s no secret that I don’t advocate for pre-marital sex–in my life, or in my practice; however, if you don’t want to ride that wave with me, at least be mindful of the fact that sex is nothing to play with.  It is nothing that you use to get or keep someone, nor is it something that is casual and without consequences.

Listen, relationships take time to build, and when you add sex before that foundation has been poured (and dried), then you leave yourself in a very vulnerable position.  I am not saying that you should implement a three-month rule, or some ridiculous RULE for when you will give your body to someone, I am saying that sex will change your relationship.  Done too early, it will change it for the worse.  Too early for me, if before there’s a hyphen in my last name; however, again, you may not want to ride that wave with me–that’s fine.  Just be clear about what you are doing when you are “doing it.”  And to make it clear, you are shifting the possibility of building a relationship on ROCK, to one that is built on SAND.  Have you ever seen a house built on sand? Nope–there’s a reason for that.

Bottom line…acting like a “single lady” will keep you a…(wait for it)

…single lady!

If that’s where you want to be, then carry on as your were.  If not, then perhaps you need to reroute the path that you are on, and let Raquel, April and Keisha be characters you watch, not people you imitate.

#CoachStephHasSpoken