More Than 140: Answering @FLUXXX1

Posted on by Team TRF
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This is the third, and last installment of the More Than 140 Series.  New “twestie,” @fluxxx1 asks our final question:

“Does Open & Honest communication Make or Break a Relationship?

The Answer: Both contingent upon what we’re being open and honest about.  If we’re open and honest about our feelings and our words leave the other feeling edified and excited about what was said, then we are making our relationship.  If we are open and honest about things that leave each other feeling vulnerable and in despair, then we are breaking our relationship. 

Of course, all communication in a relationship isn’t about the good in it, so it stands that there is always a fair amount of making and breaking; however, its the messages that are consistently communicated that determine the overall view of the relationship.  Simply put, does the good we say outweigh the bad?  When you reflect on your conversations, it is forever an argument or do you feel as if you discuss and resolve your issues and move forward?  Are you making progress, or do you regress?  How you answer these questions depend largely on how you feel after a little “come to Jesus” between you and your partner or spouse.

Our goal should always be to communicate in a way that leaves the other person better than they were before we had this interaction–even if we have to talk about things that aren’t all that wonderful.  Try to speak in feeling statements instead of blaming statements.  “I feel” leaved the receiver the opportunity to reply to your now vocalize issue, without feeling at fault.  Fault causes defensiveness, and more often than not, defensiveness leads to arguments…but it doesn’t stop there.  Arguments lead to hurt feelings, hurt feelings lead to vulnerability and vulnerability leads to faulty decision making, especially in the areas of fidelity (I think you get the point).

In conclusion, it’s not really what you communicate, but how you communicate that determine the outcome.  In the future, attempt to vocalize, but not blame, and present everything in love.  If you can master these things, your relationship will continue to evolve and hopefully satisfy you.  If not, well…you got options, enough said.

Thanks for your question. 😉

More Than 140: Answering @Menlo5

Posted on by Team TRF
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Twitter bud, @Menlo5 asks:

“Whats is the best approach when involved with “Relationship Girl”? Her entire identity is wrapped up in the relationship. 24/7-365.”

The Answer: This is a hard one.  The first issue is that this woman has no life, and didn’t have one before you met.  So, if this is now becoming an issue, you have to ask yourself if you can get past this fact and continue to have a relationship, or is it time to go our separate ways.  Unfortunately, I can’t answer that question for you, you have to answer it.  But before you do, consider a few things:

  • Why did you choose a woman who ultimately, didn’t bring her own world to your table?
  • What expectations did you, if any, create that may have caused her to believe that this is the answer to making you happy?
  • What would happen (and feel free to ask her), if you began to put distance between you and her, to allow her the time and opportunity to carve out a life for herself?

Some people are perfectly happy with a mate that is all about the relationship–for a while.  In the end, most men and women usually find it easier to be with someone who has their own world, and who can contribute to the world that we create as a couple.  But as for your question, there are some things that you have to consider before deciding how, or if to proceed.

Thanks for your question…keep me posted.