The Business of Dating: The USP

Posted on June 1, 2011September 23, 2013 by Coach Steph

Most of you don’t know that before I am a relationship and love enthusiast, I am a business and marketing junkie. That being said, it’s not far fetched to begin to look at dating as a business. Two people (or entities) come together (or merge) to create something successful…enough said.

So, I have had many conversations with women about what they bring to the table, as they are very clear about they want from a man, I find this to be a great distraction when I turn the tables on them. While most women can describe numerous traits (and unique ones) that they are looking for in a man, they tend to generalize who they are and what they bring to the table.

Enter the USP.

The USP is the Unique Selling Proposition. It is the reason why Tide doesn’t look like Gain, or why Eternity doesn’t smell like Issey Miyake…you get the idea.

Every woman (and man) has a USP. But for the most part, women don’t explore this fully. When asked what they bring to the table, most list the following generic qualities:

I’m nice
I’m a good person
I try to help
I support the people in my life
I’m a Christian…and on and on.

Here’s what you need to know. There’s nothing on that list (which I shortened) that is unique. There are good girls all around. There are Christian women all around (seriously). The truth is that while most women want some unique traits in a man, they have yet to explore the unique things that they bring to the table. They have yet to say the things that you can ONLY get by being with me (you).

That’s your USP, and once you find it…you will see things is a totally different way. Instead of feeling as if he just didn’t want a nice person or that he needs a nice person (for you chronic “fixers”), you will really say. He wasn’t worthy of my phenomenal kissing powers, or he might be a great compliment to my ability to create things beyond the wildest imagination. A USP is specific and it will give you the GREATEST sense of pride when you KNOW what you TRULY bring to the table and have to offer.

I’m all for a little ego trip, especially if it helps you be better for life and love. 😉

If you’re ready to find your USP…you know who to call…err, contact.

More Than 140: Answering @Menlo5

Posted on May 25, 2011April 13, 2017 by Team TRF

Twitter bud, @Menlo5 asks:

“Whats is the best approach when involved with “Relationship Girl”? Her entire identity is wrapped up in the relationship. 24/7-365.”

The Answer: This is a hard one. The first issue is that this woman has no life, and didn’t have one before you met. So, if this is now becoming an issue, you have to ask yourself if you can get past this fact and continue to have a relationship, or is it time to go our separate ways. Unfortunately, I can’t answer that question for you, you have to answer it. But before you do, consider a few things:

Why did you choose a woman who ultimately, didn’t bring her own world to your table?
What expectations did you, if any, create that may have caused her to believe that this is the answer to making you happy?
What would happen (and feel free to ask her), if you began to put distance between you and her, to allow her the time and opportunity to carve out a life for herself?

Some people are perfectly happy with a mate that is all about the relationship–for a while. In the end, most men and women usually find it easier to be with someone who has their own world, and who can contribute to the world that we create as a couple. But as for your question, there are some things that you have to consider before deciding how, or if to proceed.

Thanks for your question…keep me posted.

More Than 140: Answering @Attorney2be

Posted on May 24, 2011 by Coach Steph

This is the first of 3 questions, that I will answer from my buddies in Twitterville. @Attorney2be asks:

“How long should you date before getting married?”

The Answer: There is not really an exact timeline, but its moreso about what you’ve learned in the time you’ve been together. For example, if you have been together a year, but still don’t know where he works or what he does, then it’s probably not the best time to discuss getting married. By that same token, if its been 3 months and you know his name, social, his mother’s name (and have met her), you know where he works, his dream and aspirations, then it might be conceivable that this relationship could be nuptial-worthy.

Now, before you get excited about the short time period, let me be clear. You should at least be able to write a short narrative on the person that you’ve been dating exclusively. EXCLUSIVELY. If you’re not dating exclusively, then let’s get that part out of the way, before we start picking our wedding song.

Considering that the main dealbreakers for marriage are money, lifestyle, children and spirituality, it is highly recommended that you’ve had extensive conversations–to the point of resolution–and these might take away. My hope would be that you can explain and have a CLEAR (yes CLEAR) understanding of these issues between to the two of you before you move towards the aisle. For example, I am constantly appauled at the couple’s on Bravo’s Pregnant in Heels, who are about to have their first or even, gasp, their second or third child, and haven’t discussed their differences in religion–or how they want their children to be raised. Are you kidding me. We can’t be a Jewish-Muslim household who haven’t discussed our different spiritual methodologies until now. In fact, we shouldn’t be a Baptist-Pentecostal, Pentecostal-Catholic, or Baptist-Southern Baptist household until we have a clear understanding of our spirituality plays out in each other’s lives.

Bottom line, there should be some tough conversations that happen before we start picking bouquets, colors, or calling the minister (rabbi, pope, etc.) to start our pre-marital counseling classes. These conversations could take 3 months, or 3 years, but I admonish you to have answers to the tough questions, before you answer with a swift, “I do.”

Thanks for your question!

Top 10 Dating Tips for Singles (by Tonja Weimer)

Posted on May 20, 2011 by Coach Steph

Are you confused about dating? Would you like to find quality relationships but don’t know how? For tips to make you more attractive and more fulfilled as a single, read on.

Interview With the Director of “My Dating School”

Posted on May 19, 2011 by Coach Steph

Interview with Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman on ‘My Dating School’ and the usefulness of dating classes and coaches.

Dating Tips For Men – 21 Insider Tips For Success!

Posted on May 19, 2011 by Coach Steph

These proven dating tips for men can help you create the dating experience(s) that you desire. These are the most effective and most important dating tips that you will find anywhere. The dating veteran to the reactivated to the newbie can benefit from this list.

Ready To Date? 10 Good Tips to Tell for You

Posted on May 19, 2011 by Coach Steph

Are you absolutely, positively, 100% over the last person you dated, your ex? If not or if there is even a question you may not be absolutely ready to date. Of course, you could give it a try, but don?t be surprised if failure is the result.

Infidelity & Being Single?

Posted on May 11, 2011 by Coach Steph

In a time where President Bill Clinton, former Senator John Edwards, and countless other public and private individuals stray from their relationships, temporal as it may be, I wonder how many Singles want a committed relationship. Why?

Dating Tips – Found Someone Online? Ready to Date?

Posted on May 10, 2011 by Coach Steph

Here are some tips that may help once you have found your match and are ready to go on a date: