Recently I encountered a random question on Facebook about being with an inconsiderate person. The question was, “how do you handle this?”
My response was, “that’s not the right question.” (At least that is the first sentence…)
Look at what you are asking. You, considerate person, are asking how to deal with someone who is the opposite. But, based on the question, it is quite clear that you have no affinity for this behavior; however, for the sake of having a relationship…you are inquiring how you should “handle” it.
Reason Number One: You are not putting yourself first. Now, I’m sure this is not a new phrase, people say it all the time. Here’s my take: putting yourself first doesn’t just mean loving yourself and holding yourself in high esteem. It’s also about knowing your boundaries and sticking to your dealbreakers. It’s about observing a person’s behavior, BEFORE you decide that they are worthy of sharing a relationship with you.
Reason Number Two: You’re doing ordinary things, and expecting extraordinary results. No matter how good you are, at whatever “kinky” acts you bring to the table. If you haven’t noticed, that doesn’t stop them from treating you badly. Why? Because what you’re doing is no different than the last person. The sex…the catering…whatever you’re giving them, they have had that before. But since you’ve convinced yourself that you are special (and you are, just not because of that thing you do), you’re expecting them to be mesmerized by those acts. Ever considered doing the opposite of what the other or previous person has done. Hmmmm…
Reason Number Three: There are no consequences. People will continue to engage in the behavior that you reward or allow. While I am not a fan of the “make them pay” mentality, I also think that it is ludicrous for someone to hurt you and then you turn around and lavish gifts and affection on them. If nothing else, this person should know how you feel, because you CALMLY and NICELY let them know that you don’t appreciate ___________. Too many people sit in silence and excruciating pain in an attempt to keep their relationship. That’s a price that is too high.
Reason Number Four: YOU LET THEM! You handle the inconsiderate behaviors; you tolerate disrespectful words thrown your way, and as long as you do…this is what you will receive.
If you were at a store and someone kept bringing you items that you did not want, would you just take them, PAY for them, and leave the store? No, and if you did, people would think that was ridiculous.
Now, here’s the big question: You knew all of these things before you read this article. Now that your suspicions have been once again confirmed, what are YOU going to do? You are worthy of better, you deserve better, and if they cannot do better, then you have options. I encourage you to be a wise person and choose what is best for you.
Don’t live in the situation that you just read about. Learn more about The Relationship Firm and what we can do to “fix” your relationship.