Thanksgiving: A Time for Family?!?!

Posted on November 21, 2017November 21, 2017 by Coach Steph

Yes, Thanksgiving is a time to be especially grateful. In most traditional setting, Turkey Day in the US will include cooking, eating, and visiting with family. There are many, many articles that will talk to you about having fun with family, and making that time together memorable. But let’s be real about what those family gatherings really bring together.

Families love each other, and that’s a good thing. But in the midst of the love, some families have endure dramas and traumas–many that are not discussed. As such is the case, a family gathering, can be a place where emotions run high, and hurts are trying their best not to show their ugly faces as they “pass the dressing.”

Why am I writing about this? Why not just write a happy article about celebrating Thanksgiving and being grateful? Because we need to get real about families and family relations.

At The Relationship Firm, all relationships matter, and as such is the case, it wouldn’t be helpful to act as if people are not hurting and struggling through family dinner–especially during a holiday season. So, here are a few issues, and what we can do with them.

Family Issue One: Criticism

This is the worst! It probably started when you were a child, and it hasn’t stopped yet. What do you do with a family or family members who cannot stop with unsolicited feedback about your looks, your love (or lack of), and your life? TELL THEM! You are an adult now, so why not nicely, yet firmly (no pun intended) tell them that you don’t appreciate being spoken to in that manner, or being the subject of their conversations. You do not just have to take that interaction, or that negative energy in. Take authority. Be nice, be calm, and shut them down.

Another resource on surviving family criticism…

Family Issue Two: Caught in the Middle

Are you in the middle of two or more family members? Has the dispute gone on so long that you have no clue what they are upset about. Maybe you are the peacemaker–if so, try to make peace. But, if you’re ultimately just tired of being in the middle…BOW OUT! Tell that faction and that faction that you are no longer available to them. Again, just because you share DNA does not give people the right to use you as a safe haven.

Family Issue Three: The Lies

Okay, every family has a liar (or lie). Period. If you’re tired of the lie(s), then perhaps it’s time to share the truth. Listen, this is not an encouragement for you to wreck Thanksgiving, but it is an invitation for your to show up as your authentic self this Thanksgiving, and to calmly and nicely deal with the situations that have plagued you for years. Now, if the lies are painful, dinner may not be the time to bring them up…but it may be the time to start dealing with the issue. Does that mean that you start seeing a professional therapist to help you navigate this situation? Is it time to examine the truth…or confess or confront the lie with another family member that you can trust? Lies are dangerous little energy suckers because you spend more energy hiding the lie, than dealing with it. It’s time to deal with it…don’t you agree?

Another article about lies…

Family Issue Four: Betrayal and other “bad” stuff

Let me tell you something. Once upon a time, one of closest cousins stole from me. She took my credit card right out of my purse…and went and bought many, many, things. I trusted this person, and they betrayed me. I am telling you this because I want you to know that we have all been there. And, if it is still weighing on you, then it’s time to address the matter. Perhaps this is the year that you call that relative aside, AFTER THE MEAL, and bring the issue to their attention. And here’s the twist: Tell them that you forgive them. You’re not bringing them into a quiet corner of Granny’s house to make them feel badly. This is not about revenge. This is about a much needed release. So, speak your truth, and forgive them…now we can all move forward!

While this is not the normal Thanksgiving article, I hope that it helped you all the same. All relationships do matter, and before you pass another plate of peas, roll or other Thanksgiving entree, please decide that this is the year that you will be free of the influence and impact of these (and other) family issues on your life. And by all means, be thankful for the opportunities to bring light to dark areas of your life. That’s always something to be grateful for.

That, and yeast rolls!

6 Hard Questions to Ask Your Spouse if you Want your Marriage to Last

Posted on November 15, 2017January 2, 2018 by Coach Steph

Marriage is a commitment. You know that. You said, “I do” days, weeks, months, or years ago. And now you live out what you promised…right? Most people think that marriage is work, but many are not doing the right kind of work.

Really?

Really.

Most marriages work re-actively–reacting to conflict, reacting to situations, reacting to this and that. But to be proactive is rare. As such is the case, being proactive in marriage is something that may be worth addressing. One way to be proactive in marriage is to ask questions; however, these are not questions that you just ask “whenever.” Nor, do you ask in the midst of a conflict, or argument. These are questions that you schedule time to ask and to discuss. So here are 6 hard questions that you should ask your spouse (because assuming just makes things more difficult.)

Question One: Are we happy together?

Now this is a humdinger! What if they say “no?” What if they say “not for a while?” O…what if they say “yes” (Whew!) Whatever the response, it is best to know the answer, and not just assume that because you have “no problems” that you have no problems. (Get it?)

If this answer is not what you want to hear, consider it an opportunity to get better and do better. Don’t get mad, don’t upset–get focused. Marriage is a journey, sometimes people get tired, that doesn’t mean that you can’t regroup and start the journey again…got it?

Question Two: Are our vows still valid?

What? We said to love, honor and cherish til death do we part…how could that not be valid. Easy–you had no clue what you were promising at the time. Besides, these are very vague terms, and so perhaps it’s time to sit down and drill down on the expectations of those vows, beyond the fanfare and the 7-tier cake.

Question Three: What can we do to be better for each other?

This is a question for the bravest of the brave. And if you ask this question…you are the real MVP. Seriously. Most married people believe that they are doing the best that they can, and that is all that they can do. But is it? Probably not. What if your spouse just needs you to listen to their recap of the day (or wait and hour for them to get settled before you start). The “do” can be very little–but have so much impact on the status of our unions.

Question Four: Is our sex life (physical intimacy) satisfying?

Ummmm yes! This is a question that you have to ask. You may think that you have it going on–and maybe you do–but perhaps that’s not always what the situation called for. When we talk to premarital and marital couples at The Relationship Firm, we address their sexual expectations. (Actually we tell them to address them, and then report back with as little detail as possible…SMILE!) People always tell married people that they have to keep the spice–or keep “it” fresh…but what does that mean in YOUR marriage. And if your spouse tells you no…don’t get all emotional…ask why? Then we can move forward.

Question Five: Is there anything that you miss about me? (You can also add “about us?”)

This is different way to ask the question “have I changed?” Great question. And a great way to open up a dialogue around emotional intimacy, spatial intimacy, and spiritual intimacy. You may have no clue that your spouse REALLY liked when you made pancakes and you had breakfast together on Saturdays; but now you grab granola as you head to yoga. They may miss how you jumped in the shower and washed their back. Again, it could be little things.

More questions on intimacy and closeness (if you need them).

Lastly, Question Six: Is there anything that you want me to know?

This is a blanket question. But it has power. Consider using it if you are not ready to ask the other five questions.

At the end of the day, it’s your marriage and you have to find out what works for you. All the couples at The Relationship Firm know that we are just a GPS and they have to set their destination. When people tell you what works in marriage, they only know what worked for them–not you. Don’t be afraid to have a unique marriage. Don’t be afraid to do things differently that ANYONE ELSE. If it works and keeps you moving forward as a couple, then that’s all that matters.

Ready…set…ask…

4 Reasons I am Obsessed with Sheila and Nate

Posted on August 5, 2017October 14, 2017 by Coach Steph

Meet Sheila and Nate Duhon…The popular TV series, now airing on Lifetime, Married at First Sight brings people together to be married at…first sight. When the two people–selected by a panel of relationship “experts”–meet, it is at the altar. They say “I do,” and then begin the 8-month process of getting to know each other. Sheila Downs and Nate are an African-American couple who were brought together by the experts. Their relationship is an intriguing one….here’s why:

Admittedly, I am obsessed with this relationship. As a relationship coach who works with countless premarital couples, the topic of conflict resolution is one that is discussed over and over. Sheila and Nate intrigue me because they have no clue how to disagree with each other.

But…they are not alone.

As newlyweds–who do not know each other–they have not only the normal challenges of finding their marital rhythm, but also finding out about he person they have married. When it comes to conflicts, these two have UGLY arguments, and it is their arguments that I am obsessed with.

Reason One: They profess to love each other.

It’s great to have love…but we have to keep the love when we disagree. They don’t. There have been a myriad of hyper-emotional outbursts, name calling, and statements that are hard to take back. This is the case with many couples. The love is real, and it’s true, but there is fear and baggage. Fear and baggage is the weight that takes a disagreement into a full blown argument. We don’t want to argue. Because arguing isn’t healthy, and can be detrimental to our relationship.

Knock down drag out fights are evidence of greater internal issues…it just has to be said…and they need to be dealt with.

Reason Two: She has already threatened divorce.

NO MA’AM! They made it through this argument, but “divorce threats” are not easily forgotten. However, when people are hurt and unable to deal or trust fully, they often threaten to leave. We all have done this…myself included. #TrueStory

What is underneath this threat–sometimes–is the test to see if this person cares enough to fight for you or stay with you. Still not a good reason to make the threat. What is also underneath this threat is a desire to hurt your spouse because you have been hurt. There is no greater threat to a marriage, THAN the threat of divorce. Divorce means that I don’t want to share life, do life, or spent my life with you any longer. That is painful…and if it’s not true, telling the person you are with, committed to and profess to love that you don’t want those things with them any longer is very damaging to any relationship.

So don’t do it…unless you mean it. And if you mean it…it’s a conversation, not something you yell in the midst of a heated argument.

Reason Three: They are alone now.

Both the cameras and the experts are now gone. This was a shock to me. How could you leave people who have been married for months alone to deal with their issues, especially, one so major as the inability to handle conflict? I have already come forth publicly to say that I will coach Sheila and Nate FOR FREE, if need be, because this is not something that they can fix on their own, and because I believe in their relationship.

While we do premarital coaching at The Relationship Firm, I am most proud of the couples who return for marital coaching. The first year of marriage is challenging, and to do it alone (without an unbiased professional), is doable, but having help can make it so much easier. With Sheila and Nate being on their own, I find myself being concerned about this relationship. It has good bones, and limitless potential. But, they have the type of fights that end marriages FAST! And they need help with that…just like any other newlyweds.

Reason Four: Dear Newlyweds…It can work.

This relationship is not terminal…it is not toxic…it is healthy, I estimate, about 80% of the time, maybe more. But the fights are toxic…terminal…and unhealthy 100% of the time. That is the problem, and it isn’t even about them.

The way Sheila and Nate fight is alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll about their histories. Relationships that went amuck, unmet expectations, past hurts, and the like. These have to be dealt with so that Sheila and Nate can deal with each other in an authentic space. Every couple includes two people who have had experiences prior to this relationship.

It has to be said (and this is only my opinion), that sometimes the more you love someone the more afraid you can become. You are afraid to lose what you’ve found, and it makes you hyper-sensitive to the issues that come up. You reflect on the past, and those similarities make you think that you’re about to lose again. That’s okay. You are entitled to your feelings and your needs. We just have to create a strategy where you deal with these issues in a way that keeps this relationship moving in the direction you want. Otherwise, the fears and baggage continue to weigh down the relationship, and as you struggle through resolving these hurtful exchanges, it gets harder and harder to stay connected and enjoy the great times that your love wants to afford you.

Bottom line for Sheila and Nate, and anyone else who just got married (even not at first sight), is that there is help, and there is no shame in asking for it. As newlyweds, you have to learn to navigate your life together. It is a bumpy, winding, twisting, and sometimes even invisible road, but it is worth it…love is always worth it, because love never fails! (A little Biblical reference for you guys! Smile!)

Sheila and Nate…call The Relationship Firm…we can help. We promise! #ShamelessPlug #ButASeriousOne

How our human battery looks when we're tired of this and that.

CONFESSION: I’m tired of…

Posted on April 12, 2017April 11, 2017 by Coach Steph

Tired of… These days, it doesn’t take much to become tired of something. Sometimes we’re just tired of our hectic lives and mundane schedules. Other times, we’re of something particular: the relationship that won’t get back on the right track; the dream that is taking its sweet time coming to pass; the child that acts if they were raised by wolves, despite coming from your very own womb…things like that.

Well, here’s the good news: It’s okay to be tired of whatever you find yourself tired of.

Here’s more news: It’s not okay to stay tired.

If we’re willing to accept that being tired is our fault, then there are many things that we can do to put an end to our tiredness. Why is it out fault? Because many of things that we are tired of, we cannot control, or change. So, we’re tired because we have exhausted our energy by putting it into a place that cannot return the investment.

How do you change the relationship that won’t get back on track? Either accept that it’s going to be the way that it is, or get out of the relationship. When we stay and try to fix it, and make it change, or change the other person, that doesn’t work…it never works! So, here we are tired of this relationship. No, what we’re tired of is things not being the way we think they should be, or not serving us in a positive way. So deal with it! Seriously.

Same thing with your dreams…are you tired because you’ve done all you can do, or because you did the bare minimum and it didn’t pay off? Ask yourself, why is this taking so long…is it me? Or…the dream? Sometimes dreams take as long as they are going to take. Again, you can accept that or get a new dream. What’s your choice? Visionaries these grand individuals who dream vividly, but can also be very, VERY impatient. But if you’re willing to stay the course and be diligent…I do believe that the manifestation of said dream is closer than you might think.

We’ve saved the best for last…

Now the child…that may be a hard one, or any family member. But, again, what are you tired of? Are you tired of trying to get them to clean their room, or do their homework? Find a purpose? Stop hanging out with him or her? What if you stop trying? What if you decide this is unacceptable and that you’re not going to discuss it with them anymore? After spending weeks, months or years dealing with this situation, what happens if you declare this as the last month for this situation because he or she is going to start seeing a life coach and if that doesn’t change anything then boarding school (or military school) it is. Wow! That sounds harsh; however, what else are you going to do?

We’ve told you that you deserve the best life (and love), so it’s time to take that to heart and stop being tired of situations that you cannot control or change in your own power. Make a decision that is best for you (and your sanity), and start being tired of being relaxed…not worrying…not stressing. See, that doesn’t even make sense.

But…you get the idea. Love YOU! Mean it!

Celebrity Love Notes: What I Told One of the Little Women

Posted on April 10, 2017April 6, 2017 by Coach Steph

We heart Little Women! Tonya Banks (aka “Little Boss) is one the big stars of Lifetime’s hit reality show, “Little Women: LA.” Recently, Tonya became obsessed with marrying her longtime on-and-off-and-on-and-off live-in boyfriend Kerwin. Kerwin and Tonya share an adult daughter, and after 20-something years of dating and mating, he moved from Texas to California to give Tonya the committed relationship she FINALLY figured out that she wanted from him. Emphasis on FINALLY!

So what’s the issue? Tonya wants to be a wife, but doesn’t act like one. Period. Little Women: LA is chock full of large personalities and Tonya is one. As an independent woman (, she is used to doing things her way. Okay, we get it, but you’re way is not the married way. In fact, she said in a recent episode that she is not going to change her ways until she knows that this is forever. In watching her, I see a self-centered individual who is afraid of true vulnerability because it hasn’t paid off in the past. Self-protection makes sense, it’s a basic animal right, but it doesn’t quite make you wife material…sorry, “Boss.”

Thinking that you’ll magically become a wife when you get married is almost laughable. And, it’s definitely the wrong attitude towards the situation.

Tonya, do you really think that this man is going to put a ring on your finger to incite you to change? We caution women about this all the time, so why should a man not be entitled to the same stance on this issue? If you want to be seen as a wife, then you should act like one. You already live with the man, so clearly you have no problem with giving milk without being a cow that is owned–or however the saying goes–so don’t try to get belligerent about needing a ring in order to act like a wife. “I’m not going to act all wifed up,” she says…hmmmmm…

Tonya is also not listening. She is quick to tell her fellow Little Women stars that she wants to be married. But she is not quick to listen to what Kerwin is saying on the matter. Ultimately, Tonya is lucky to be with a man who is telling her what is lacking in their relationship pre-nuptials. In doing so, he is giving them a chance to resolve their issuesssssss. Additionally, while she is campaigning for wifedom, she tells the camera that she is still waiting for the shoe to drop (aka from them to break up…AGAIN). So which is it? Even Kerwin feels as if she is not fully committed…and that is a real problem.

As a client, I would talk to Tonya about her vision for being a wife, and what she hopes to gain from being married. It seems that there are some very idyllic thoughts behind her desire to be married, (especially as the only Little Women: LA cast member who is not “all wifed up”) and it’s best to get to the bottom of those before you stroll down the aisle and say “I do.”

#StephHasSpoken

Why You’re Not Letting Go

Posted on April 6, 2017 by Coach Steph

Letting go. Two words that are tossed around like they are easy to do. Inevitably, we will have enough relationships in our lives that sometimes we have to consider letting go of relationships…even if only for a season (or two).

While it’s easy to say the words, it’s not easy to do. Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care, or that you have someone else that you’d rather be close to. Letting go means that you no longer want to put energy into the relationship. So, for the sake of your own edification, consider the following reasons why you are not letting go.

There’s something that you have to do. Sometimes when we cannot let go, there’s a really good reason: there is something that we have to do for this person, for ourselves, or for the relationship as a whole. Maybe it’s a prayer or days of prayer, or maybe there is something that has to be said. Whatever it is, honor the feeling that you have and seek out what you have to do…then do it.

You always let go. Many people have what’s commonly known as “the gift of goodbye.” This gift allows one to bid anyone a fond (and FAST) ado when they are not behaving as the gifted one feels that they should. This giftedness is actually a control mechanism, and when we are easy or eager to let people go, there will come a time to teach an old dog new tricks. And this new trick is not letting go because you want to exert control over the situation that is bugging you.

You don’t know how to “let go.” Does letting go mean that you delete their number, block their number and act as if the person has disappeared into the a black hole in the middle of the Universe? No. Now, others may say otherwise, but letting go doesn’t have to have malicious intent. If you’re not a mean person, or if letting go feels “mean” to you, then it behoove you to examine what letting go means to you. Sometimes letting go means that you talk to your journal instead of talking to other people. Sometime letting go means a total moratorium on discussing the situation with him/her/them, and spending more time doing things that you love…for you.

Another article on Letting Go from WikiHow

Lastly, one of the reasons that you are not letting is because you don’t want to. When someone comes into your life and they mean something to you, you put energy into that relationship. When the relationship is unfruitful, you still put energy into it because the person matters to you. There’s nothing wrong with that.

If you take nothing else from this little “ditty,” then take this: Let go when (and if) you want to. If this relationship (platonic, romantic, familiar, etc.) means something to you, then you need to process it and its value in your life. If it still serves you and you see a pot of gold at the end of a currently muted-color rainbow, then by all means, be true to you and honor your intuition. However, if you’re being emotionally bankrupted by this connection, then it may be time to put your energy on the shelf and grab a massage…and perhaps a margarita…or green tea. You get the idea.

#StephHasSpoken

Are you in an Unhealthy Relationship?

Posted on April 4, 2017April 4, 2017 by Coach Steph

Unhealthy relationships are becoming an epidemic. More often than not, people are remaining in relationships that cause them to be hurt, confused, mistreated, and even abused. But why are they staying when it is blatantly clear to everyone else that they should walk away? Why do people connected to someone who is making their life miserable? Why don’t they just walk…err, run away?

Great questions.

Last night, I facilitated a workshop at a local women’s shelter, and all of the women there had endured some type of abuse. At some point, they walked out and that decision landed in the safety of the shelter. It was an honor to sit down with this diverse group of “sheroes” and it caused me to think more about relationships, in general and unhealthy relationships, more specifically.

Why do people endure unhealthy relationships?

Perhaps they don’t know that it’s unhealthy. After leaving the shelter, I was later on air doing an interview, and we discussed how jealous and possessive behavior can look “cute” and “endearing” at first. The fact that he (or she) shows up where you are, and seems overly interested in your activities and attire, makes them seem as if this person really cares about you. As the incidents of jealousy and possessiveness increase, sometimes we remain oblivious to the changes that are obvious to others in our lives. You may not go out anymore, your clothing may change, you seem distant. But it’s all done in the name of preserving your (unhealthy) relationship, and that shows committment, right? No…it shows that you are losing yourself to a force that is attempting to subdue you, and that if you continue to accept this behavior that it will be to your detriment.

Then again, perhaps they know it’s unhealthy, but have no clue what to do with that reality. Or, (and this happens often) they know the relationship is bad, but they have decided that they want to win. So, this means that every piece of “leave him or her alone” becomes motivation to stay with this person and make it–if only to avoid the “I told you so’s” of the people who cared enough to tell you that your relationship was not a good place to be. This is the wrong time to “let your haters be your motivators,” as the song says. Whatever the justification, it is steeped in the fact that by the time any relationship becomes undeniably toxic, both parties are vested so deeply, that it almost seems easier to remain in dysfunction, than to escape into loneliness (or I told you so’s as previously stated). Sadly, this keeps many people in relationships that will impact their lives negatively now, and some, for years even after a breakup.

Perhaps it’s less unhealthy than their last relationship. Now, this is the kicker. Some people actually believe that as long as this relationship is not “as bad” as their last relationship, then everything is ok, and there’s not a problem. This is not okay. Despite the fact, that this person only cheats on you consistently and the last person physically assaulted you, that comparison does not make either one of these relationships better than the other. They are both bad, and they are both unhealthy, you cannot continue to deny the truth, nor can you ignore the fact that you must do something about it.

I could go on, but then there wouldn’t be a part two. If you happened to see your relationship characterized in this article, then you can no longer claim ignorance. It’s time to make some changes because if nothing changes, nothing changes. If you need help, I am here, if you have questions, ask. This is not the time to think about loyalty, or committment–unless you’re thinking about the loyalties and the commitments that you made to yourself.

I told the group last night, and I am telling YOU now: As Katt Williams says, “it’s all about your star player…this means you.” Now you know better, so I hope you’ll at least think about doing better. Every action begins with a thought (hint-hint).

#CSHS #StopDomesticViolence

Relationships to be grateful for? Be thankful

4 Relationships We Should be Thankful For

Posted on November 27, 2013April 4, 2017 by Coach Steph

Yes, this is the quintessential “Thanksgiving” post. Nothing too deep, just something to ponder while we are recovering from tryptophan psychosis and cranberry overload.

First up…those we can count on. Note, that I didn’t say those who love us, because sometimes they are not one in the same. However, I recently sat in a session with a young man who felt he cannot depend on his fiancee, and that statement has impacted me–hence, this article. Being someone who people can depend on being able to depend on others is a key to having relationships that are meaningful. Trustworthiness is often a need of those in our lives, and to fulfill that need, creates a deeper connection between two people. Sure, these same people may take the last buttered roll, and eat your favorite part of the turkey, but ultimately, you can count on them to be there when the chip are down…so let them eat that turkey leg in peace.

The Business of Dating Expanded Edition– Now includes a section regarding online dating.

Next…those who give without expectations. I have people in my life who do this, and I am so thankful for their presence. Usually, these are the older people in your life who provide wisdom, solace, and even a little “spare change,” if they feel so led. For me, there is nothing that I can do for these people, but they find my presence to be enough. This is rare, even in relationships with my peers, and I think this rarity is what makes it so very special.

Third…those who are no longer in our lives. You knew I couldn’t keep up the meaningful, mushy facade for much longer, right? While, yes, we do miss those who have passed on, that’s not who I’m referring to. I’m referring to the people who have vacated the premises of your life through break-up or other forms of termination. We should be thankful for each of these individuals because they cleared the way for others to come into our lives and be phenomenal with us. Not everyone who left our lives was bad, but in most cases, we just were not good together, and that is why we’re grateful to them–and for the lessons, we thank you!

Lastly…those who know our story, and love us anyway. Everyone has a story. I sit in coaching sessions with couples who have collective and individual stories, and we talk about how the stories shift and intertwine. Sometimes people know our story–where we’ve come from, if you will–and make every attempt to keep us there. Others know our story, and love us despite what we’ve said, done, or experienced in our past. This is another place of solace, and we all need that.

So, there you have it…four relationships we should be thankful for. Oh yea! There’s one more…the relationship I have with you! (Yes, meaningful and mushy sentiments ride again!)

Happy Thanksgiving!

7 Scary Relationships

Posted on October 31, 2013 by Coach Steph

There are all kinds of relationships…but here are six that I find a little, and one that I find really “scary.”

We don’t really know anything about each other.
Consider the fact that most people send their representative out on at least the first 5 dates, and add to that the reality that the majority of people who date don’t want to ask hard questions about the other person, and the possibility of not really knowing anything about each other becomes very real.

But it doesn’t have to stay this way. Both parties can ask meaningful questions so that they do get to know each other. Questions such as:

What are your expectations for someone you’re in a relationship with?
Have you ever cheated? Why did you (if you did)?
What are your life and career goals?

help you come to an understand about who the person you call your “signif” (significant other).

I don’t like you, despite saying I love you.
Admittedly, I spent a decade in a relationship with someone I loved, but didn’t like. But, liking the person you’re in a relationship with supersedes loving them–believe it or not. The friendship element of your relationship helps sustain the rest of your relationship. Out of friendship is born respect, trust, honesty, communication, common ground. Friendship is the foundation of an amazing love story.

We don’t share anything/our communication sucks.
Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships with people who don’t let us into their lives. If this is you, consider sharing some thing that is special, but doesn’t make you uncomfortable. If you’re person who feels a bit jilted about what you’re not being told, then perhaps its time to look at the root of this situation.

Of course, you could always schedule an intervention or mediation, and we can talk through the things that are not being talked about.

I can’t trust you.
While this is a warning for both guys and gals, guys need to be aware that the gals in their lives need stability. Stability doesn’t stop with trusting you to take care of things and being financially secure. Trust and stability starts with keeping your word, calling/coming/doing when you say you will. Every promise needs to be kept, or admitted that it can’t be kept. It’s scares people (no pun) to be connected to someone that doesn’t keep their word, or fails to admit when they can’t.

In the end, everyone needs to be able to believe in the person they are with. Your word is your bond.

It’s just sex…REALLY!
You cannot build a relationship that lasts on sex. You can build a sexual relationship, but to attempt to turn that into something meaningful is usually futile. If it’s just sex, then that’s a decision that you BOTH should make, along with setting boundaries, getting tested, and agreeing that being physically intimate does not imply or guarantee an exclusive, long-term, or loving relationship.

If you want an exclusive, long-term relationship, you may want to consider exploring sex-free relationships so you can get to know each other and spend quality time without the burden of STDs, pregnancy scares, or late night texts asking, “what are
you doing?”

Lastly, you hurt me.
This is not just about emotional pain, but physical pain as well. Without going through all the signs of an abusive relationship, the one thing that you have to know is that if you don’t feel safe…you probably aren’t safe. Not only is today Halloween, but it’s the last day of Domestic Violence Awareness month. If you’re in an abusive relationship–emotional, physical, financial, etc, perhaps it’s time to make this “last time,” be the LAST TIME. Get CONFIDENTIAL help now…

In conclusion, there are definitely some other scary relationships, and if you see your relationship in one of the seven above…there is something you can do about it. There is no reason to settle for an average relationship when you can have an amazing relationship using the same time, energy and emotions. Learn more…