With the new season of Basketball Wives, we are now forced to relive the saga that is the short-lived marriage of Evelyn Lozada and Chad Ochocinco.
First things first…this relationship started off with a major handicap. When you sleep someone on the first date (or very early in the dating process), you lose the ability to learn more about the person. Now you’re just looking for more sex–especially if the sex is good.
Secondly, Evelyn ignored some key signs that Chad wasn’t ready to be a husband. In my honest professional opinion, Chad is a nice guy, and while I believe there is more to the “headbutt” story, the truth is that Chad wasn’t ready to be a husband. Now, post-incident, she spends much of her on-camera time with therapists and getting her life “fixed” (you know what I mean). However, I humbly ask the question of why wasn’t this time spent pre-nuptials with the both of them working to put this relationship on a viable path-if one existed? Evelyn is a beautiful woman, however, wisdom is what is most needed when choosing a mate. Take heed.
If Evelyn was my client, I would tell her that choosing a boyfriend and then deciding if that boyfriend can be a husband is a process. And, in order to make that process work well, physical intimacy has to be left put of the equation, and the emphasis should be placed on getting to know each other and assessing how this person’s past has affected them. There has to be a certain amount of diligence when learning about someone, and again, when sex is one facet of the relationship, learning about the other facets becomes a real challenge.
When someone you are interested in shares tales of tragic childhoods, deadbeat fathers, dead end relationships, and the like, you don’t have to disqualify them, but your antennae should go up and your new mission is to learn how these past occurrences affect them today. Do they hate women because of something their mother did? Or is their definition of manhood based on the teachings of a “rolling stone” father? This is important! It’s even more important than how great they are in the sack, or how successful they are. These are the hard questions that no one wants to ask. But if you’re considering this person for the rest of your life, then that is nothing to take lightly.
What anyone can learn from this situation: Just as I “told” Kris Humphries, there were signs before you walked down the aisle that this union may not have been for you, or may not have been ready to become the relationship that you want it to be.
Marriage is serious business. We’re talking about two people, becoming one, and making a covenant with Divine power. People have minimized it to a pre-nuptial agreement and something that a divorce can get you out of, but don’t be confused by the trite behavior displayed by popular culture. And, don’t get trapped or caught in a situation that could’ve been avoided with diligent investigation and dedicated time spent communicating INSTEAD of consummating.
Now, if they decide to reconcile, there are major issues that should be dealt with…but I will address that in another article.
Disclaimer: Just so it’s clearly stated, Coach Steph has not nor is currently working with Evelyn Lozada or Chad Ochocinco. This article is simply a professional perspective on how the elements of this relationship can affect others, as well as what others can learn from this incident.
Author: Coach Steph
Coach Steph has been featured on Yahoo.com, galtime.com, yourtango.com, WVON Chicago, LATalk Radio, WSEV Los Angeles and in Shape Magazine, to name a few. Recently, she facilitated a tele-seminar for relationship powerhouse, eHarmony.com.
With her special brand of Southern charm and relentless rockstar rhetoric Coach Steph brings a unique perspective to getting the life and love you deserve! Are…you…ready?