Stop the Pain! Here are Four Reasons They Treat you So Bad…

Posted on by Coach Steph
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Recently I encountered a random question on Facebook about being with an inconsiderate person. The question was, “how do you handle this?”

My response was, “that’s not the right question.” (At least that is the first sentence…)

Look at what you are asking. You, considerate person, are asking how to deal with someone who is the opposite. But, based on the question, it is quite clear that you have no affinity for this behavior; however, for the sake of having a relationship…you are inquiring how you should “handle” it.

Reason Number One: You are not putting yourself first. Now, I’m sure this is not a new phrase, people say it all the time. Here’s my take: putting yourself first doesn’t just mean loving yourself and holding yourself in high esteem. It’s also about knowing your boundaries and sticking to your dealbreakers. It’s about observing a person’s behavior, BEFORE you decide that they are worthy of sharing a relationship with you.

Got it?

Reason Number Two: You’re doing ordinary things, and expecting extraordinary results. No matter how good you are, at whatever “kinky” acts you bring to the table. If you haven’t noticed, that doesn’t stop them from treating you badly. Why? Because what you’re doing is no different than the last person. The sex…the catering…whatever you’re giving them, they have had that before. But since you’ve convinced yourself that you are special (and you are, just not because of that thing you do), you’re expecting them to be mesmerized by those acts. Ever considered doing the opposite of what the other or previous person has done. Hmmmm…

Reason Number Three: There are no consequences. People will continue to engage in the behavior that you reward or allow. While I am not a fan of the “make them pay” mentality, I also think that it is ludicrous for someone to hurt you and then you turn around and lavish gifts and affection on them. If nothing else, this person should know how you feel, because you CALMLY and NICELY let them know that you don’t appreciate ___________. Too many people sit in silence and excruciating pain in an attempt to keep their relationship. That’s a price that is too high.

Reason Number Four: YOU LET THEM! You handle the inconsiderate behaviors; you tolerate disrespectful words thrown your way, and as long as you do…this is what you will receive.

If you were at a store and someone kept bringing you items that you did not want, would you just take them, PAY for them, and leave the store? No, and if you did, people would think that was ridiculous.

Now, here’s the big question: You knew all of these things before you read this article. Now that your suspicions have been once again confirmed, what are YOU going to do?  You are worthy of better, you deserve better, and if they cannot do better, then you have options.  I encourage you to be a wise person and choose what is best for you.

Don’t live in the situation that you just read about. Learn more about The Relationship Firm and what we can do to “fix” your relationship.

#CoachStephHasSpoken

New from @KingdomKid725: Are YOU Being Walked on?

Posted on by Team TRF
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Intro and Review

Hey everybody!

Last month around I put a lot of emphasis on this gold standard in regard to how you want to build a relationship. I put particular emphasis on those even the closest to you. However, before we go into that, let’s review.

Everyone you know will fall into one of these three categories:

1) Those who wish to do no more with you but exploit and abuse you for their own selfish gain.
2) Those who have your best interest but not the best data to convey their wishes.
3) Those connected to a higher standard and want to do right by you just because you are you.

Got it? Well think about it like this. If you have a co-worker that falls into category #1, you can distance yourself…and leave work at work (we’ll talk about that concept a little later). If you have some sort of casual acquaintance, or someone you’ve only known for a set amount of time, you can boot them on out of your business.

A New Quandary

Well, what if you have someone in Category #1, or even Category #2 and they are your homie? Or your BFF? Or worse yet, your mother or father?! Yes there are dysfunctional family dynamics out there, and left to themselves, those dynamics will only produce after themselves. Well, you know you have charge to live your own life, but you’re supposed to love your parents right?

So what the heck do you do?

Well, there’s a difference between servanthood and what I like to call “doormat’ism”. Servanthood is doing things for folks and putting your all into it because you want to see them become the best thing anybody’s ever seen with zero strings attached (this would make you a Category #3’er in their lives). “Doormat’ism” is when your entire life revolves around what they want.

I want to briefly talk about why this is BAD from two perspectives:

1) Anyone you date will be dating your family and NOT you. Don’t be that person who is apologizing for who you date. No you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone uncouth, but even if you are you don’t owe your parents/family an apology for that in of itself. Understand that it’s bad, get out, learn your lesson, and move on. Even your significant other is on the up and up (and they are a “Category #3’er”), sometimes your folks may not approve. In these cases, you gotta stand up and put your foot down. While this has to be in love, it does have to be. Otherwise….

You know cult followers? They “followed” someone too.

 

2) You deliberately follow short of that higher standard I keep yammering about. And I yammer on it because that higher standard works. Your mother, while she loves you, doesn’t know tomorrow today. Your dad, who may just want you prepared for the world, wasn’t around when the foundation of the world was laid. While they may know more than you practically, that doesn’t mean that (1) you’re no less an adult or (2) you have less access to the higher standard than they do. Get your own mind and be the best thing anyone’s ever seen. [adsenseyu7]

You don’t want to follow anything blindly but that higher standard to get to that commission that you’re here for.

Remember this, know what you follow, as sheep tend to get slaughtered. Will this kill you here? No, but you won’t be much of rockstar following any PERSON blindly either.

Until next time!

@%$! YOU!

Posted on by Coach Steph
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Well, it’s not what you think.  But it is a new weapon in your arsenal against bad relationships.

I was on LA Talk Live (www.latalklive.com)  last night with Dr. Richard Karr and a few other special guests and he asked me  a question.  He asked me if I thought I could change bad relationtionships.  I responded by telling him I would rather be more of a prophylactic.

A prophylactic?

Before you make that face, let me explain.  Prophylactic is a term that is usually used in relationship to condoms and birth control products–the prophylactic is meant to prevent situations (STDs, pregnancy, etc) from happening.  Medically, it means to administer medications for symptoms that may arise, but haven’t yet. 

Let’s go with that.

I would rather stop you from having a bad relationship, than get you out of a bad relationship.  Now the short answer is that I can coach you in both.  But I am more excited about giving you the tools to avoid such a situation, than coaching you, kicking and screaming and crying, out of a situation that isn’t working for you.  For those you who don’t know this, coaching is isn’t cheap, and it is a process.  So, if you find yourself in need of help, but perhaps a little fiscally challenged, then this is for you.

So…once again, I have to mention my new book, “The Book of Bye!” And again, I have to tell you that I wrote this book so that you can have yet another tool to help you decide if he or she is the person you should be involved with.

That’s how I prevent you from getting in a bad relationship.  That is why I am a prophylactic.  I am protecting you from (well, I am attempting to protect you) from bad relationships.

Get it?

See how easy that is?  And, just for the record, this isn’t any ordinary dating advice book.  I have taken 12 scenarios from my personal dating and relationship coaching experiences to give you real-world rationale to apply to your present, and perhaps even future, dating adventures.  If you follow the instructions in this book, your days of whining about the loser you are dating are OVER!

In fact, your relationship resolution for 2012 should be to STOP whining and START winning…and winning starts with adding this book to your arsenal. Period.

But, some of you will read this and go get the book, and others of you will think that $9.97 is too expensive and you want something free.  If you want something free, then sign-up for a sneak peak of the book on the homepage.

Now for those of you who are ready to be empowered and actually do something different, I will see you on December 18th–book in hand–at my Bye Club Book Club event.

The choice is yours…choose wisely.

P.S. The title of this article is Bye! You! (get it?)

Never Can Say Good-Bye!

Posted on by Coach Steph
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Just admit it.

Admit what?

Admit that you aren’t strong enough to leave.  Admit that you’re willing to put up with interesting situations, and incessant discussions of the same thing without resolution.

It’s okay. 

You’re not alone.

It’s hard to end a relationship, even if it’s not working.  You’ve put in all this work and you expected some sort of a payoff.  A committment, a spouse, maybe just a drawer in the bedroom for your things…something.  So now, you feel a little bit like you should stay and see this thing through, right? Make sure that it’s run it’s course–you owe it that (or rather you think that you do).  But again, you are not alone.

I cannot say it enough.  We are not supposed to have bad relationships.  We are supposed to be able to avoid people who are not in the same place we are (I call the places, “Carnal, Communal or Committal”) and we are supposed to have the strength to let go of the people who show themselves unworthy of us.  Now when I say unworthy, it makes sound as if it has to be a big deal.  But the truth is, it doesn’t have to be a big deal.  In fact, if we would pay more attention to the little things in our relationships, we might be able to avoid the big heartbreaking thing that ultimately ends this relationship, and shatters your faith in love, the opposite sex, and the ability to ever give that much to anyone else ever again.

Did someone say, “things?”

How do you assess the little things? Well, you can go through the painstaking process of talking to your friends, family and even the Twitterverse, or you can just get my book.

There’s a book about this?

Yes, and I wrote it.  I wrote it to help you stop wasting your time with people that are going to break your heart and ruin your life (if only for a moment).  And, guess what, I didn’t just include ONE little thing…there are TWELVE little things in this book, plus a chapter on how to end it–if that is what you decide you need to do.

You will be strong enough in no time!  I promise!

Guess what I called it?

The Book of Bye! (Seriously…that’s what it is, so why not just call it that).

Look, I know the reason why you can’t say bye, and you know the reason (or reasons) why you can’t say bye.  And no matter what the exact reason is, this is one moment that you can take to figure out what you need to do.

…and I will be right beside you.

In paperback.

For more information on “The Book of Bye!” click here.

Stronger…better…wiser…THANKFUL!

Posted on by Coach Steph
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Today is Thanksgiving Day! So, most of of are going to celebrate this day with people that we care about (or at least have to act like we care about them), and eat things that you will lament about later.

However, just allow me to take a moment and tell you that I am thankful.  While I am thankful for the good things like friends, family, etc., I am more thankful for the relationships that failed, and the lessons that I learned from those experiences.

I have been privileged to be the relationship coach for a select few of you in the Twitterverse, and I know that it’s the mistakes that I have made that drive me to be the best relationship coach…ever! So, I have to thank the people who made me passionate person who I am.  No, I won’t list them by name, but I am thankful for them.  Coaching allows me to bring both the good and bad of my relationships resume to building a relationship with my clients.  But without the issues, dilemmas, situations and drama, I couldn’t offer my clients a person someone who is committed to their relationship success.

So…that’s why I wanted to take a moment and thank the losers and misguided individuals who made being me possible. 

But seriously, I am thankful, and on my way to something meaningful because of them.

Have a marvelous Thanksgiving!

xoxo…

Coach Steph
Thankful to be a Best Dating Coach Finalist, idateawards.com…Please vote for WhatTheLove.org here.