3 Ways Stress May Affect Your Relationships

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Most people will admit to being stressed, without hesitation.  However, there is a difference acute stress and chronic stress. Often our clients may find themselves annoyed, cranky and not in the mood for days and weeks at a time.  While this may seem like a rough patch or those moments when we’re not getting along, the true culprit may be good old fashioned stress.

GRAB YOUR TICKETS FOR OUR AMAZING APRIL EVENTS!

April 11: Life+Meditation Circle April 17: Smash Therapy for Singles
April 18: Smash Therapy for Couples April 25: Intimacy Circle with Dr. Lottie

  • Work stress.

  • Life stress.

  • Lack of balance stress.

  • All the stress.

So, here are three ways that stress may affect your relationships, and why we’re hosting four events in April to help you deal.

The First Way: You Are Tired

Being tired is a given in life.  At some, we are exhausted by our obligations, and sometimes even our opportunities.  When we are stressed, being tired is not usually far behind.  Our bodies are taxed by the elevated levels of hormones and the responses of our nervous system being on high alert.  As such is the case, we may lack energy, and just want to lie down or goto sleep.  Your partner may wonder what’s going on, even more than you do.  If you’re constantly feeling burdened or just exhausted—like you just ran a half marathon, then it’s time to make some changes.

The goal is to turn off your fight or flight response with some rest and digest.  Whatever has you stressed out is more than likely something that you cannot control.  If that is the case, consider what you can do to relax and ground yourself.

  • Meditation?

  • Yoga?

  • Watch a hilarious movie?

  • Do something you enjoy? Yes, you’re stressed out about not having time, but imagine how much better you will feel once you laugh, stress or even cry.

The Second Way: You are Not Interested…

…in anything!  Stress can not only affect your energy level but your desire for even the most pleasurable events…even sex.  Sometimes you’re just not in the mood, we get it, but your partner may not. At some point, you have to take inventory of why you’re not interested, and if you find that stress is the culprit, do your level best to bring it down some notches.

Whatever you do, don’t continue to make excuses.  Being disinterested is telling you that something is out of whack, especially if you’re taking a pass on your favorite activities with your favorite person (people).

The Third Way: You are Cranky

Yes it is normal to be cranky from time to time, but it’s not normal to be cranky most of the time, or at the same time every day.

If you’re not sleeping, that can be stressful and you’ll find yourself lacking the capacity to deal with even routine nonsense—especially with that one co-worker (yeah, that one).

How do you know if you’re stressed because of a lack of quality sleep or rest at night?  Look at how you wake up.  Waking up tired usually is the first indicator of a night of unrest.  Need caffeine to function—another clue.

So, in the end, stress is normal, but being stressed all the time, more often than not, is not the norm.  That being said, if anything in this article applies to you, it’s time to do something different.

And we have a few options for you. (Wink!)

GRAB YOUR TICKETS FOR OUR AMAZING APRIL EVENTS!

April 11: Life+Meditation Circle April 17: Smash Therapy for Singles
April 18: Smash Therapy for Couples April 25: Intimacy Circle with Dr. Lottie

Continue reading “3 Ways Stress May Affect Your Relationships” →

Newly Single? How to Financially Get Over Your Ex (from www.hicharlie.com)

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Breakups are painful and confusing. All of a sudden, your life is completely different and you now need to deal with everything on your own — including financial matters. Even though your heart is bruised and mind is dazed, you need to take charge of your money and financially get over your ex. This is especially true if they handled the household budget or were the main breadwinner.

To avoid adding money misery to your heartache, follow these 10 tips:

Adjust Quickly

It’s natural to wallow in the pain, binging on ice cream and Netflix. However, you need to acknowledge your new reality as soon as possible. If you don’t, you could find yourself in a financial world of hurt. Once you’ve come to grips, you can make a plan.

Determine Your Living Situation

If you and your ex live together, you need to decide who stays in the house or apartment. If unmarried with the mortgage or lease in only one of your names, the decision is easy. But, if it’s a joint venture, you’ll need to partner on a solution.

For owned property, the fairest route may be to sell and split the proceeds. (Or, one of you could buy out the other.). If you are navigating a divorce, the terms of the divorce will decide what happens to the home.

For rented property, you’ll need to involve your landlord. They can make official changes to the lease so that you or your ex is no longer legally responsible for paying rent. If neither of you can afford the apartment on your own, you may need to sublet, re-let, or break the lease.

Regardless of whether you’re staying or going, you need to consider the financial impact. If your ex is leaving, you’ll lose their income. If you’re leaving, you’ll lose their income and need to come up with the cash to move.

Take Stock of Possessions & Debt

A moment ago, everything was shared. Now, it’s a definite case of yours and theirs. Regardless of marital status, anything owned before the relationship typically stays with you. If you’re not married, you and your ex should divvy up items acquired together, or choose to sell them and share the profits. Joint bank accounts should be split fairly and then closed. Further, if you incurred debt together, you should divide responsibility for the balances and close those accounts (preventing your ex from racking up more debt you’d be liable for). Typically, unless there is a dispute, legal intervention is not required.

If you’re getting divorced, your state laws will determine how assets and debts are divided (prenuptial agreements will have an impact as well). In most states, the court will distribute assets and liabilities fairly (not necessarily equally). In the nine community property states, everything obtained during the marriage is split 50-50. Be sure to understand the terms of your divorce or custody arrangement, if applicable, so that you can take advantage of everything that you’re entitled to.

Tip: Don’t forget to change the name on the utility accounts! You don’t want to be responsible for paying for electricity, heat, water, or internet after you move out.

Open Up Your Own Accounts

To move forward, you need to completely separate your finances from your ex. After closing your jointly held asset and debt accounts, open up any new ones that you need. Make sure that anything tied to money is in your name only.

Make (and Stick to) a Budget

You’re now in charge of running your own household and need to set a new budget to reflect that. Add up all of your expenses, including debt payments. Then, add up all of your income sources, factoring in alimony/child support, if applicable.

If your income falls short of your expenses, you need to make quick adjustments to your spending/find ways to increase cash flow. And, even though it’s tempting, try to avoid post-breakup retail therapy, which could cause you more grief and regret.

Tip: If you’re new to budgeting (or are a little rusty), try using a worksheet like this. There are also countless online tools and calculators like these that can help. Remember, Charlie can help you track your debt and spending so that you can stick to your newly created budget.

Update Legal Documents

Unless otherwise required by the terms of your divorce, now’s the time to take your ex out of your will and off of your list of beneficiaries. Be sure to update these documents and name new beneficiaries.

Understand Tax Implications

If you’re divorcing, consider speaking with an accountant to see how your tax liability will change. Generally, single people pay higher taxes. If your income tax withholding is set as “married,” you may want to adjust it by filling out a new w4 form with your employer(s).

Revisit Your Retirement Plan

Since you’re now flying solo, you should re-evaluate your retirement plans. Of course, a lot can change between now and your golden years, but you should ballpark how much money you’ll need if you’re just covering yourself. If you’re divorcing, retirement plan assets accumulated while married are subject to division as part of the proceedings. This monetary gain (or loss) will impact how much more you need to save. Finally, if you’re going to be financially strapped for awhile, consider if it makes sense to suspend contributions to your retirement plan until you’re back on your feet.

Keep Tabs on Your Credit

Your credit situation will change as you close some accounts and open others. Keep a close eye on your credit report to make sure all activity reported is accurate. If you haven’t already, remove your ex as an authorized user on any accounts that you’re keeping.

Tip: If you think your ex may purposefully use your cards, consider changing your credit card account numbers or freezing your credit.

Get Help

If you’re feeling lost and overwhelmed, ask for help. This is a difficult time and there are resources to make this transition easier. Your family and friends can offer support, encouragement, and distraction from the current drama. Community services can connect you with food, housing assistance, career development resources, and more if you’re feeling pinched. Finally, professionals can help with the legal, mental health, and financial planning aspects of this challenging chapter.

This article is for general guidance only. Since every situation is different and laws vary widely from state to state, you’re encouraged to seek the advice of a qualified professional before taking action.

Final Thoughts

Ending a relationship is one of the most difficult parts of the human experience. In a way, your world is ending. But, in a way, it’s just beginning, too. If you follow the tips in this article and lean on your support system, you’ll be well on your way to owning (and loving) your new single, empowered life.

This article was written by Laura Gariepy and originally published on www.hicharlie.com  

Four Things a Celebrity Can Teach Us About Love

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I know, you’re probably wondering…what in the world? A celebrity? What could any celebrity teach me about love? Celebrities are the most dysfunctional relationships ever seen. True–in most cases, however, there are some things that celebrities can teach us about love and relationships, so let’s take a look.

Thanksgiving: A Time for Family?!?!

Posted on by Coach Steph
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Yes, Thanksgiving is a time to be especially grateful.  In most traditional setting, Turkey Day in the US will include cooking, eating, and visiting with family.  There are many, many articles that will talk to you about having fun with family, and making that time together memorable.  But let’s be real about what those family gatherings really bring together.

Families love each other, and that’s a good thing.  But in the midst of the love, some families have endure dramas and traumas–many that are not discussed.  As such is the case, a family gathering, can be a place where emotions run high, and hurts are trying their best not to show their ugly faces as they “pass the dressing.”

Why am I writing about this?  Why not just write a happy article about celebrating Thanksgiving and being grateful?  Because we need to get real about families and family relations.

At The Relationship Firm, all relationships matter, and as such is the case, it wouldn’t be helpful to act as if people are not hurting and struggling through family dinner–especially during a holiday season.  So, here are a few issues, and what we can do with them.

Family Issue One: Criticism

This is the worst! It probably started when you were a child, and it hasn’t stopped yet.  What do you do with a family or family members who cannot stop with unsolicited feedback about your looks, your love (or lack of), and your life?  TELL THEM!  You are an adult now, so why not nicely, yet firmly (no pun intended) tell them that you don’t appreciate being spoken to in that manner, or being the subject of their conversations.  You do not just have to take that interaction, or that negative energy in.  Take authority.  Be nice, be calm, and shut them down.

Another resource on surviving family criticism…

Family Issue Two: Caught in the Middle

Are you in the middle of two or more family members?  Has the dispute gone on so long that you have no clue what they are upset about.  Maybe you are the peacemaker–if so, try to make peace.  But, if you’re ultimately just tired of being in the middle…BOW OUT!  Tell that faction and that faction that you are no longer available to them.  Again, just because you share DNA does not give people the right to use you as a safe haven.

Family Issue Three: The Lies

Okay, every family has a liar (or lie).  Period.  If you’re tired of the lie(s), then perhaps it’s time to share the truth.  Listen, this is not an encouragement for you to wreck Thanksgiving, but it is an invitation for your to show up as your authentic self this Thanksgiving, and to calmly and nicely deal with the situations that have plagued you for years.  Now, if the lies are painful, dinner may not be the time to bring them up…but it may be the time to start dealing with the issue.  Does that mean that you start seeing a professional therapist to help you navigate this situation?  Is it time to examine the truth…or confess or confront the lie with another family member that you can trust?  Lies are dangerous little energy suckers because you spend more energy hiding the lie, than dealing with it.  It’s time to deal with it…don’t you agree?

Another article about lies…

Family Issue Four: Betrayal and other “bad” stuff

Let me tell you something.  Once upon a time, one of closest cousins stole from me.  She took my credit card right out of my purse…and went and bought many, many, things.  I trusted this person, and they betrayed me.  I am telling you this because I want you to know that we have all been there.  And, if it is still weighing on you, then it’s time to address the matter.  Perhaps this is the year that you call that relative aside, AFTER THE MEAL, and bring the issue to their attention.   And here’s the twist: Tell them that you forgive them.  You’re not bringing them into a quiet corner of Granny’s house to make them feel badly.  This is not about revenge.  This is about a much needed release.  So, speak your truth, and forgive them…now we can all move forward!

While this is not the normal Thanksgiving article, I hope that it helped you all the same.  All relationships do matter, and before you pass another plate of peas, roll or other Thanksgiving entree, please decide that this is the year that you will be free of the influence and impact of these (and other) family issues on your life.  And by all means, be thankful for the opportunities to bring light to dark areas of your life.  That’s always something to be grateful for.

That, and yeast rolls!

Couple talking about marriage

6 Hard Questions to Ask Your Spouse if you Want your Marriage to Last

Posted on by Coach Steph
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Marriage is a commitment.  You know that.  You said, “I do” days, weeks, months, or years ago.  And now you live out what you promised…right?  Most people think that marriage is work, but many are not doing the right kind of work.

Really?

Really.

Most marriages work re-actively–reacting to conflict, reacting to situations, reacting to this and that.  But to be proactive is rare.  As such is the case, being proactive in marriage is something that may be worth addressing.  One way to be proactive in marriage is to ask questions; however, these are not questions that you just ask “whenever.” Nor, do you ask in the midst of a conflict, or argument. These are questions that you schedule time to ask and to discuss.  So here are 6  hard questions that you should ask your spouse (because assuming just makes things more difficult.)

Question One: Are we happy together?

Now this is a humdinger!  What if they say “no?”  What if they say “not for a while?”  O…what if they say “yes” (Whew!)  Whatever the response, it is best to know the answer, and not just assume that because you have “no problems” that you have no problems. (Get it?)

If this answer is not what you want to hear, consider it an opportunity to get better and do better.  Don’t get mad, don’t upset–get focused.   Marriage is a journey, sometimes people get tired, that doesn’t mean that you can’t regroup and start the journey again…got it?

Question Two: Are our vows still valid?

What?  We said to love, honor and cherish til death do we part…how could that not be valid.  Easy–you had no clue what you were promising at the time.  Besides, these are very vague terms, and so perhaps it’s time to sit down and drill down on the expectations of those vows, beyond the fanfare and the 7-tier cake.

Question Three: What can we do to be better for each other?

This is a question for the bravest of the brave.  And if you ask this question…you are the real MVP.  Seriously.  Most married people believe that they are doing the best that they can, and that is all that they can do.  But is it?  Probably not.  What if your spouse just needs you to listen to their recap of the day (or wait and hour for them to get settled before you start).  The “do” can be very little–but have so much impact on the status of our unions.

Question Four: Is our sex life (physical intimacy) satisfying?

Ummmm yes!  This is a question that you have to ask.  You may think that you have it going on–and maybe you do–but perhaps that’s not always what the situation called for.  When we talk to premarital and marital couples at The Relationship Firm, we address their sexual expectations.  (Actually we tell them to address them, and then report back with as little detail as possible…SMILE!)  People always tell married people that they have to keep the spice–or keep “it” fresh…but what does that mean in YOUR marriage.  And if your spouse tells you no…don’t get all emotional…ask why?  Then we can move forward.

Question Five: Is there anything that you miss about me? (You can also add “about us?”)

This is different way to ask the question “have I changed?”  Great question.  And a great way to open up a dialogue around emotional intimacy, spatial intimacy, and spiritual intimacy.  You may have no clue that your spouse REALLY liked when you made pancakes and you had breakfast together on Saturdays; but now you grab granola as you head to yoga.  They may miss how you jumped in the shower and washed their back.  Again, it could be little things.

More questions on intimacy and closeness (if you need them). 

Lastly, Question Six: Is there anything that you want me to know?

This is a blanket question.  But it has power.  Consider using it if you are not ready to ask the other five questions.

At the end of the day, it’s your marriage and you have to find out what works for you.  All the couples at The Relationship Firm know that we are just a GPS and they have to set their destination.  When people tell you what works in marriage, they only know what worked for them–not you.  Don’t be afraid to have a unique marriage.  Don’t be afraid to do things differently that ANYONE ELSE.  If it works and keeps you moving forward as a couple, then that’s all that matters.

Ready…set…ask…

How our human battery looks when we're tired of this and that.

CONFESSION: I’m tired of…

Posted on by Coach Steph
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Tired of… These days, it doesn’t take much to become tired of something.  Sometimes we’re just tired of our hectic lives and mundane schedules.   Other times, we’re of something particular: the relationship that won’t get back on the right track; the dream that is taking its sweet time coming to pass; the child that acts if they were raised by wolves, despite coming from your very own womb…things like that.

Well, here’s the good news: It’s okay to be tired of whatever you find yourself tired of.

Here’s more news: It’s not okay to stay tired.

If we’re willing to accept that being tired is our fault, then there are many things that we can do to put an end to our tiredness.  Why is it out fault? Because many of things that we are tired of, we cannot control, or change.  So, we’re tired because we have exhausted our energy by putting it into a place that cannot return the investment.

How do you change the relationship that won’t get back on track?  Either accept that it’s going to be the way that it is, or get out of the relationship.  When we stay and try to fix it, and make it change, or change the other person, that doesn’t work…it never works!  So, here we are tired of this relationship.  No, what we’re tired of is things not being the way we think they should be, or not serving us in a positive way.  So deal with it! Seriously.

Same thing with your dreams…are you tired because you’ve done all you can do, or because you did the bare minimum and it didn’t pay off?  Ask yourself, why is this taking so long…is it me? Or…the dream?  Sometimes dreams take as long as they are going to take.  Again, you can accept that or get a new dream.  What’s your choice?  Visionaries these grand individuals who dream vividly, but can also be very, VERY impatient.  But if you’re willing to stay the course and be diligent…I do believe that the manifestation of said dream is closer than you might think.

We’ve saved the best for last…

Now the child…that may be a hard one, or any family member.  But, again, what are you tired of?  Are you tired of trying to get them to clean their room, or do their homework?  Find a purpose? Stop hanging out with him or her?  What if you stop trying?  What if you decide this is unacceptable and that you’re not going to discuss it with them anymore?  After spending weeks, months or years dealing with this situation, what happens if you declare this as the last month for this situation because he or she is going to start seeing a life coach and if that doesn’t change anything then boarding school (or military school) it is.  Wow! That sounds harsh; however, what else are you going to do?

We’ve told you that you deserve the best life (and love), so it’s time to take that to heart and stop being tired of situations that you cannot control or change in your own power.  Make a decision that is best for you (and your sanity), and start being tired of being relaxed…not worrying…not stressing.  See, that doesn’t even make sense.

But…you get the idea. Love YOU! Mean it!

 

Cast of Little Women LA Season Five

Celebrity Love Notes: What I Told One of the Little Women

Posted on by Coach Steph
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We heart Little Women!  Tonya Banks (aka “Little Boss) is one the big stars of Lifetime’s hit reality show, “Little Women: LA.”  Recently, Tonya became obsessed with marrying her longtime on-and-off-and-on-and-off live-in boyfriend Kerwin.  Kerwin and Tonya share an adult daughter, and after 20-something years of dating and mating, he moved from Texas to California to give Tonya the committed relationship she FINALLY figured out that she wanted from him.  Emphasis on FINALLY!

So what’s the issue?  Tonya wants to be a wife, but doesn’t act like one.  Period.  Little Women: LA is chock full of large personalities and Tonya is one.  As an independent woman (, she is used to doing things her way.  Okay, we get it, but you’re way is not the married way.  In fact, she said in a recent episode that she is not going to change her ways until she knows that this is forever.  In watching her, I see a self-centered individual who is afraid of true vulnerability because it hasn’t paid off in the past.  Self-protection makes sense, it’s a basic animal right, but it doesn’t quite make you wife material…sorry, “Boss.”

Thinking that you’ll magically become a wife when you get married is almost laughable.  And, it’s definitely the wrong attitude towards the situation.

TTonya Banks, star of Little Women LAonya, do you really think that this man is going to put a ring on your finger to incite you to change?  We caution women about this all the time, so why should a man not be entitled to the same stance on this issue?  If you want to be seen as a wife, then you should act like one.  You already live with the man, so clearly you have no problem with giving milk without being a cow that is owned–or however the saying goes–so don’t try to get belligerent about needing a ring in order to act like a wife.  “I’m not going to act all wifed up,” she says…hmmmmm…

Tonya is also not listening.  She is quick to tell her fellow Little Women stars that she wants to be married.  But she is not quick to listen to what Kerwin is saying on the matter.  Ultimately, Tonya is lucky to be with a man who is telling her what is lacking in their relationship pre-nuptials.  In doing so, he is giving them a chance to resolve their issuesssssss.  Additionally, while she is campaigning for wifedom, she tells the camera that she is still waiting for the shoe to drop (aka from them to break up…AGAIN).  So which is it?  Even Kerwin feels as if she is not fully committed…and that is a real problem.

As a client, I would talk to Tonya about her vision for being a wife, and what she hopes to gain from being married.  It seems that there are some very idyllic thoughts behind her desire to be married, (especially as the only Little Women: LA cast member who is not “all wifed up”) and it’s best to get to the bottom of those before you stroll down the aisle and say “I do.”

#StephHasSpoken

Beautiful image of letting go

Why You’re Not Letting Go

Posted on by Coach Steph
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Letting go.  Two words that are tossed around like they are easy to do.  Inevitably, we will have enough relationships in our lives that sometimes we have to consider letting go of relationships…even if only for a season (or two).

While it’s easy to say the words, it’s not easy to do.  Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care, or that you have someone else that you’d rather be close to.  Letting go means that you no longer want to put energy into the relationship.  So, for the sake of your own edification, consider the following reasons why you are not letting go.

There’s something that you have to do.  Sometimes when we cannot let go, there’s a really good reason: there is something that we have to do for this person, for ourselves, or for the relationship as a whole.  Maybe it’s a prayer or days of prayer, or maybe there is something that has to be said.  Whatever it is, honor the feeling that you have and seek out what you have to do…then do it.

You always let go.  Many people have what’s commonly known as “the gift of goodbye.”  This gift allows one to bid anyone a fond (and FAST) ado when they are not behaving as the gifted one feels that they should.  This giftedness is actually a control mechanism, and when we are easy or eager to let people go, there will come a time to teach an old dog new tricks.  And this new trick is not letting go because you want to exert control over the situation that is bugging you.

You don’t know how to “let go.”  Does letting go mean that you delete their number, block their number and act as if the person has disappeared into the a black hole in the middle of the Universe?  No.  Now, others may say otherwise, but letting go doesn’t have to have malicious intent.  If you’re not a mean person, or if letting go feels “mean” to you, then it behoove you to examine what letting go means to you.  Sometimes letting go means that you talk to your journal instead of talking to other people.  Sometime letting go means a total moratorium on discussing the situation with him/her/them, and spending more time doing things that you love…for you.

Another article on Letting Go from WikiHow

Lastly, one of the reasons that you are not letting is because you don’t want to.  When someone comes into your life and they mean something to you, you put energy into that relationship.  When the relationship is unfruitful, you still put energy into it because the person matters to you.  There’s nothing wrong with that.

If you take nothing else from this little “ditty,” then take this: Let go when (and if) you want to.  If this relationship (platonic, romantic, familiar, etc.) means something to you, then you need to process it and its value in your life.  If it still serves you and you see a pot of gold at the end of a currently muted-color rainbow, then by all means, be true to you and honor your intuition.  However, if you’re being emotionally bankrupted by this connection, then it may be time to put your energy on the shelf and grab a massage…and perhaps a margarita…or green tea.  You get the idea.

#StephHasSpoken

 

Are you in an Unhealthy Relationship?

Posted on by Coach Steph
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Unhealthy relationships are becoming an epidemic.  More often than not, people are remaining in relationships that cause them to be hurt, confused, mistreated, and even abused.  But why are they staying when it is blatantly clear to everyone else that they should walk away?  Why do people connected to someone who is making their life miserable?  Why don’t they just walk…err, run away?

Great questions.

Last night, I facilitated a workshop at a local women’s shelter, and all of the women there had endured some type of abuse.  At some point, they walked out and that decision landed in the safety of the shelter.  It was an honor to sit down with this diverse group of “sheroes” and it caused me to think more about relationships, in general and unhealthy relationships, more specifically.

Why do people endure unhealthy relationships?

Perhaps they don’t know that it’s unhealthy.  After leaving the shelter, I was later on air doing an interview, and we discussed how jealous and possessive behavior can look “cute” and “endearing” at first.  The fact that he (or she) shows up where you are, and seems overly interested in your activities and attire, makes them seem as if this person really cares about you.  As the incidents of jealousy and possessiveness increase, sometimes we remain oblivious to the changes that are obvious to others in our lives.  You may not go out anymore, your clothing may change, you seem distant.  But it’s all done in the name of preserving your (unhealthy) relationship, and that shows committment, right?  No…it shows that you are losing yourself to a force that is attempting to subdue you, and that if you continue to accept this behavior that it will be to your detriment.

Then again, perhaps they know it’s unhealthy, but have no clue what to do with that reality.  Or, (and this happens often) they know the relationship is bad, but they have decided that they want to win.  So, this means that every piece of “leave him or her alone” becomes motivation to stay with this person and make it–if only to avoid the “I told you so’s” of the people who cared enough to tell you that your relationship was not a good place to be. This is the wrong time to “let your haters be your motivators,” as the song says. Whatever the justification, it is steeped in the fact that by the time any relationship becomes undeniably toxic, both parties are vested so deeply, that it almost seems easier to remain in dysfunction, than to escape into loneliness (or I told you so’s as previously stated).  Sadly, this keeps many people in relationships that will impact their lives negatively now, and some, for years even after a breakup.

Perhaps it’s less unhealthy than their last relationship.  Now, this is the kicker.  Some people actually believe that as long as this relationship is not “as bad” as their last relationship, then everything is ok, and there’s not a problem.  This is not okay.  Despite the fact, that this person only cheats on you consistently and the last person physically assaulted you, that comparison does not make either one of these relationships better than the other.  They are both bad, and they are both unhealthy, you cannot continue to deny the truth, nor can you ignore the fact that you must do something about it.

I could go on, but then there wouldn’t be a part two.  If you happened to see your relationship characterized in this article, then you can no longer claim ignorance.  It’s time to make some changes because if nothing changes, nothing changes. If you need help, I am here, if you have questions, ask.  This is not the time to think about loyalty, or committment–unless you’re thinking about the loyalties and the commitments that you made to yourself.

I told the group last night, and I am telling YOU now:  As Katt Williams says, “it’s all about your star player…this means you.”  Now you know better, so I hope you’ll at least think about doing better.  Every action begins with a thought (hint-hint).

#CSHS #StopDomesticViolence